being a girl in nyc: post one.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

The Myths and Truths of Christian Dating

Dating can be difficult enough on its own, but a lot of times Christian dating can be even more confusing. Unfortunately God doesn’t lay out blue prints in the Bible of who, where, when, and how we should date. Because of that, there are countless myths out there about what Christian dating should or shouldn’t look like. Here are some of the common ideas about Christian dating that Jessi and I think are incorrect, and what we believe is the real truth behind them.

MYTH: There is only one person meant just for you.

TRUTH: First of all, this isn’t anywhere in the Bible. Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely believe that God knows ours needs and desires (more than we know our own) and that He knows the perfect person we will ultimately end up with. But if there was only one single person for everyone, then wouldn’t that mean the whole order of the universe was thrown off the moment two wrong people got together? Like I said – God does know the perfect person we’ll end up with, but I think it’s important to remember that timing, disposition, and each person’s free will is part of what determines who that is.

MYTH: Christians should just hang out as friends because real dates are too serious.

TRUTH: I think this is one of the main things that makes Christian dating so confusing. Guys are somehow under the impression that taking a girl on a date is leading them on, so they organize a less serious “hang out” if they’re interested. The problem with that, though, is that it makes intentions unclear. Here’s the thing about dating – whether you’re a Christian or not, a lot of times it just doesn’t work out. And that’s okay. It’s better to at least make your intentions known and have everything out on the table. It’s not a sin if it doesn’t end in a relationship or marriage! Not to mention that Christian girls are still girls. We all love to feel desired and be pursued in the way we deserve.

MYTH: Having the same faith is the most important thing in a relationship – everything else will work itself out around that.

TRUTH: Yes – sharing the same faith is crucial – and not just because the Bible says so. Being on the same page with your beliefs affects every other aspect of a relationship. With that being said, though, sharing the same faith doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to click with someone emotionally, physically, intellectually, or even on a spiritual level. You wouldn’t choose a best friend just because you’re both Christians, so why would you do that with a potential mate?

MYTH: Dating a Christian means you won’t encounter any relationship problems.

TRUTH: This is similar to the last myth. Just because you’re dating a Christian, it doesn’t mean that everything is going to be rainbows and angels singing in the background at all times. All relationships require at least some sort of work to successfully grow and become healthier, and you’re setting yourself up for failure if you don’t realize that. Choosing the right person with the same faith is only the very beginning of the journey.

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What are some myths about (Christian) dating you have believed?
Which of these myths or truths do you agree/disagree with the most?

being a girl in nyc {intro}.

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Every season Liberty Church starts a new set of Community Groups. My best friend Jessi has led several in the past on all different topics such as spiritual gifts, dating, Supernatural Ways of Royalty, etc.

This season she decided to lead one on life and dating as a girl in NYC, and she asked me to co-lead with her!

What the group is about:
Life in New York City as a twenty to early thirty-something. We will be discussing life topics such as jobs, being a Christian, and mostly dating.

Why:
We chose to do the group because this is what we talk to girls about the most. We have both had countless coffee dates with girls, and this is what always comes up. We really want to focus primarily on dating because this is an important topic for girls our age. We have had to learn hard lessons that we would like to pass on to others. Last spring, Jessi led a similar group with Mavis Green, and it was such a life changing group that we wanted to take what we’ve learned, share it, and add more.

Resources:
To be honest, we couldn’t find one book that truly covered what we wanted to share. So instead, we are pulling together the best resources from various books we’ve read as material for the group. Each Monday we will post a blog that will be discussed in the group on Wednesday.

How to join:
You can join 1 of the 30 groups online at LibertyChurchNYC.com. However, our group is currently full. We did want to invite others into the conversation - so we invite you to participate by commenting on the posts.

Questions:
We would love to know your questions and hopefully answer a few. Please feel free to ask questions in the comments section. If you’re in the group - please bring your questions on Wednesday nights!

What Jessi says:
I really wanted to do this group because last year’s group was so fruitful. I learned so many practical things about dating and being a Christian in the city. I was very much single when I led the group last time, and I am now engaged to be married September 20th, 2013. I think I can share some lessons I have learned as well as give positive feedback to the many questions I am asked. I honesty believe every girl is meant to be with a guy that truly cherishes her and leads her closer to God. My hope is that you leave this group with fresh eyes, new friends, and a heart full of hope and promise.

What Gracie says:
I literally do not think I would make it living in New York without my girl friends. As a young woman trying to balance my career, planning my future, having a social life, and dating, it’s not always easy to hold it all together. But with the help of my girl friends and different things I’ve learned over the past few years, I’m excited to share how I find balance in my own life. As far as dating goes, it can be confusing in and of itself, but a lot of times Christian dating can bring even more challenges. I’m hoping that sharing my experiences can at least be of some help to other girls. Not to mention I just love the idea of setting aside nights to chat, eat cupcakes, and be girlie!

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Who do you go to for dating advice?

ask G, part 1.

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1. What do you suggest for someone visiting the Big Apple - best places to see, can’t miss, or foodie recommendations? – Dana

This is definitely one of the top questions I get, so I actually made a full page dedicated to NYC – my favorite tips, restaurants, and other attractions. Click here to view it!

One of my biggest recommendations for visiting New York is to check out the more local attractions (especially downtown). The touristy things in Midtown can be fun, but to get the real feel of NYC you should explore places like Greenwich Village, West Village, and Soho.

Also, taking a bus tour is a great way to see most of the city in just a few hours.

2. Dating for a Christian girl, tips & advice or what you’ve learned? – Dana

This is a great question and something I’ve become quite passionate about lately. I hate to leave you hanging, but I actually have a handful of posts coming in the next few weeks about this topic (as does Jessi). Stay tuned!

3. How do you balance blogging and work? – Marissa

Well first of all, I work from home (real estate appraisal administration for my dad’s company), so that makes balancing the two much easier than when I had my office job. I work from 9-5, so I try to write blog posts in the morning and/or evening. And since I work on the computer it’s easy to keep up with GML and social media throughout the day.

Something else that I’ve found helps a lot is scheduling and pre-writing posts. I try to have at least two or three posts saved at any time so if I have a particularly busy day, I can still put up some new content.

4. How do you balance work and play, and what does a typical day look like for you? – Emily

Balancing work and play is definitely an art form, especially when there’s just so much of both to be done ;) I’m lucky in the sense that my job isn’t project based, so it’s pretty easy to just shut my computer and be done for the day. And then other aspects of my work (like blogging) just naturally feel like play to me. Not to mention that networking is of huge importance in New York, so just about any social event can be beneficial to your career without intending for it to be.

I tend to have something social going on most nights of the week, with much more on the weekends. I do try to have at least one or two nights at home to just relax.

My daily routine can look completely different from one day to the next, but typically it looks like:

- wake up around 7am
- have at least 30 minutes of time with God
- squeeze in a workout if I can
- work on GML and social media for church
- start work at 9am, eat breakfast
- I take a 30-60 minute break around 1pm where I either go to the gym or run errands
- eat lunch around 2pm
- throughout the whole day I do social media and GML stuff when work is slow/caught up
- finish work at 5pm
- evenings/nights I either have some sort of meeting, stay home and watch TV, or go out with friends

5. What do you mean when you say “part career?” I love blogging and am no way in it for the money, but making money for something I love would obviously be awesome. Do you actually make a reasonable income, and if so, how did you get into that position? - Nicole

When I first started blogging, I never anticipated it becoming part of my career. I had no idea it was even something you could monetize! But when I realized that blogging is something I wanted to do long term and that I could make income from it, it was an easy decision.

At first I was part of the Foodbuzz ad network, but now I’m part of BlogHer Publishing Network and have been for about 2 years. I LOVE BlogHer and highly recommend them. My income comes from the ads you see on GML’s main page, as well as sponsored posts. Right now blogging makes up about 1/3 of my income. If you want to learn more about making money from blogging, definitely check out Katy Widrick’s blog – she has great tips and advice.

I do want to note that even as my income from blogging continues to grow (and yes, it’s something I would love to do full time), it’s very important to me that GML never looks or feels like a “professional blog.” To me, that takes away from what a blog is supposed to be! So I really make it a point that the products I review are always ones that I truly love and use myself. I never want to come across as a saleswoman.

6. What would you suggest if you realize that you and your friends don’t mesh anymore and that you would like a new friendship group? – Anonymous

This is a tough one. Friendships do change as life goes on, either by getting closer or drifting apart. First of all, remember that those seasons are normal and a part of life. But with that being said, I personally wouldn’t cut them off completely. You can always add friends to your life, but it doesn’t mean you have to entirely cut ties with others (if the friendships were unhealthy or something detrimental happened, though, than that’s a different story!).

I think the best thing to do is to open yourself up to more opportunities to meet new friends. Start getting involved in things you and enjoy and are passionate about. For me, that meant finding a church that had young people with similar lifestyles to mine. For other people that might look like taking a new class, joining a gym, volunteering somewhere, etc.

I also think that the most important thing about making new friends is getting over the fear of rejection. At some point you’ll have to take the initiative and ask someone if they want to meet for coffee, for example. Putting yourself out there can be scary and feel weird at first, but you’ve got to start somewhere!

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Please note that I’m *not* an expert and that this advice is based solely on my own experiences and thoughts.

How do you balance work and play in your own life?
Have a question? Feel free to leave it as a comment on this post or ask me anonymously.

some good reads.

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Back before I was a blogger, I was quite the avid blog reader. Over the years my time writing blog posts seems to have taken over the time I spent reading them. Not to mention…well, most blogs just don’t seem as entertaining to me as they used to be…

BUT. There are still a ton of gems out there! Here are some articles and great blogs that I think are worth a read.

polish my crown.
This is one of my favorite blogs and a daily visit. Andi is one of the most inspirational women I know (and she may or may not be my virtual pen pal). Girl gives some great advice! I find myself constantly bookmarking posts like this.

15 things girls like to do on social media.
Who…us??

waiting on perfection.
My friend Jessica is doing amazing things with her Pure Beauty Project and for women in general.

the curse of the connector.

how sweet eats.
My favorite food blog for years, and my go-to when trying new recipes. Not only are Jessica’s recipes creative and delicious, but she’s just a cool chick. No food-snobbery here.

the 10 girls you’ll meet at every post-college bar.
This is too hilarious…and unfortunately too true. Thanks, Thought Catalog, for saying what everyone else is already thinking.

the divine appointments.

51 animal pictures you need to see before you die.
No explanation necessary.

why you need to tell someone how scared you are.

nyoutritious.
My friend Regina has so much knowledge when it comes to nutrition, and great recipes to match! Her Apple Cashew Cupcakes look especially delicious.

the ebb and flow of life.

life in your early 20’s vs. life in your late 20’s.
This gets an lol.

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What are some blogs/articles you’re loving right now?

my new gig.

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If you’ve been reading GML at all over the past two years, you’ve probably gotten to know my best friend Jessi quite well. She’s my partner in crime, an amazing blogger and event curator, a woman of God, and basically just the coolest chick I know. I don’t know what I’d do without our friendship!

We’ve been through a lot over the past couple of years – especially when it comes to relationships and heart stuff – so you can imagine how ecstatic I was for my best friend when she got engaged last week.

The icing on the cake came a few days ago when Jessi asked me to be her Maid of Honor! :)

How adorable is that little message in a bottle?! The sand is from the beach Parker proposed on, which is the same beach they’ll be getting married on in September. Yup…perfection.

As if this summer wasn’t going to be fun enough, now I get to help my best friend plan her dream wedding! Congratulation again, you little supermodels, you.

Have you ever been a MOH? Any tips for this first-timer??

5 ways to boost your confidence.

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If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you may have noticed that I recently began contributing to The Huffington Post as a blogger. Since my posts here on GML tend to be on the less-than-wordy side, I figured I’d share my Huff Post articles here as well. Enjoy!

Some women may have been born with a naturally high level of confidence. I’m not one of them. While I’ve always had self-respect and known my value to an extent, over the years it has taken practice to learn exactly who I am and what I have to offer the world around me.

Here are some of my top ways to boost confidence and realize just how awesome you (yes, you!) are.

1. Make a vision board.
If you’re anything like me, sometimes being able to visualize something helps it become more of a reality and something to aspire towards. Our minds can often become cluttered with a million different things - everything from our career to our relationships to what to eat for dinner. That’s why separately creating a vision board for inspiration is a great thing for every woman to do. You can make a tangible vision board and hang it in your room, or you can make it even simpler and utilize a resource like Pinterest. The key is to narrow down what it is that inspires you, what you want your future to look like, and how you see yourself. It’s once you realize these things about who you are that you can turn inwardly and grab your confidence from within.

2. Spend time with people who know and believe in you.
I don’t know about you, but the times my confidence gets to an all-time low is when I get into my own head and engage in negative self-talk. I can be my own worst enemy. On the other hand, talking to the people who know me and care about me the most can help me to see myself and certain situations for what they truly are. A lot of times our closest friends and family know us better than we even know ourselves! Not to mention they’re usually more than willing to listen and help us. So don’t be too proud to seek out those people and have them encourage you, help you remember who you are, and remind you of the amazing things you have to offer.

3. Have “me time.”
Confession: I’m a people-pleaser by nature. Whether it’s with co-workers, friends, or family - I see the needs of others as more important than my own because “Oh, I’ll just be fine.” But you know what? At the end of the day, it’s my pride that is telling me that! The truth is that we’re all human, and we all need to be a little selfish sometimes. One of the best ways to remember who you are and to be confident in that person is to simply spend time getting to know yourself. Allow yourself to relax. Do things that you enjoy - even simple things like going for a walk, catching up on reading, or pampering yourself with a manicure. Remember that taking time to better yourself is not wasted time. Knowing what your worth and treating yourself as such will help with naturally boosting your confidence in the busyness of everyday life.

4. Verbally remind yourself of who you are.
Okay…this one might seem a little bit weird. But hear me out. In the same way that a vision board helps you visualize your identity, speaking truths over yourself allows you to hear those things. Make sense? This can be as simple as a single phrase you say to yourself every morning. It can be reading your favorite quotes out loud. Taking that moment to encourage yourself and hear the truth about who you are can set you off on the right foot and boost your confidence for the remainder of the (probably long) day ahead.

5. Remember that people are just people.
The times that I’m the most insecure is when I let myself become intimidated by other people and what I view as their level of status/importance. I’m not saying that it’s not imperative to respect authority (and anyone you come in contact with, for that matter), but even they still put their pants on one leg at a time. Remembering that we’re all human - and we’ve all been in the same position at one time or another - can help you to become less intimidated and more likely to be an effective communicator, worker, and asset to whatever project or career you’re aspiring to.

“When I was young, I thought confidence could be earned with perfection. Now I know that you don’t earn it; you claim it. And you do that by loving the wacky, endlessly optimistic, enthusiastically uninhibited free spirit that is the essence of style, the quintessence of heart, and uniquely YOU.” - Cecelie Berry

What tips and tools do you use to boost your confidence?
When is the last time you treated yourself to some “me time?”

what i’m loving right now.

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feast.
It’s no surprise that one of my favorite things about living in New York is the amazing restaurants here. At any given point there are whispers of the “best new restaurants,” and I’ve heard a ton about Feast in the East Village. Jessi, Erica, and I went there for dinner last night, and it. was. amazing.

Their greenmarket-driven American fare menu has multi-course and a la carte options. We opted for the Farmer’s Market Feast (which included nine dishes!).

Each dish was better than the last – all of them fresh, flavorful, and so delicious! My favorites were the Market Salad (1), Beet Frites, and Stuffed Eggplant (2).

this article by Jessi – the best dating advice I could ever give.
My best friend Jessi recently posted this article on her Tumblr, and I knew I just had to share it with you. I feel like this is a common issue that way too many girls face when it comes to dating (myself included), so…well, give it a read!

snapchat.
I may be a little late to the game on this one…and I may only have like 3 friends…but Snapchat is just so fun!

the voice.
…and not just because of Adam Levine and his tattoos. I’m loving this season with the new judges and the talent is great. And seriously, how adorable is Shakira??

tumbling.
AKA my new way to vicariously live through the internet. That came out wrong. But check out GML’s more creative little sister.

wordiness.
Because what easier way to make a statement with what you wear than by having it clearly written out?

What TV show(s) are you currently hooked on? What did you think about Jessi’s advice?

work and play.

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I always thought people were slightly delusional when they said “when you love what you do, it doesn’t feel like work.”

But now? With FreelyBe? I totally get it.

Obviously there are always times where work feels like work, but then there are events like the one on Friday.

You+2 is a (quasi) singles event we organized for the dating website HowAboutWe. I say quasi because the point of the party was that it wouldn’t be the typical awkward mixer that most people think of when they hear “singles event.” Instead, guests were allowed to bring two of their single friends (AKA wingmen) along with them. The result was quite the fun party of dancing, mingling, and competing over the 50 custom hats we were handing out.

The next You+2 event is coming up quickly, so email concierge(at)freelybe(dot)is if you’d like to be considered for an invitation!

Despite my work feeling like play, I was more than excited to spend my whole Saturday taking it easy. I also decided to spoil myself with a pedicure…complete with flower petals in the water. I guess now I can say my feet literally smell like roses ;)

Since I’ve been getting The Fresh Diet meals I haven’t had much food in the house, so once again Seamless came to my rescue. For dinner: a spinach, goat cheese, and avocado salad.

And for dessert, I whipped up a small batch of Dark Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies. You know…so I had something to snack on while I watched 4+ hours of TV.

Not the most eventful of Saturdays, but definitely exactly what I needed to recharge for the week ahead.

What has your weekend looked like so far?
Do you ever feel like your job isn’t really work?

12 things i learned in 2012.

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1) January. This isn’t exactly life-changing, but…

…oh, who am I kidding? Yes it is. Pinterest totally changed my life.

2) February. The month I began experimenting with different varieties of Cake Batter Blondies.

Also noteworthy from February, some lessons in NYC dating.

3) March. My birthday month! I learned that I don’t hate celebrating my own birthday that much after all.

4) April. When I learned about one of my favorite Manhattan escapes – Smorgasburg.

Also, that true beauty has nothing to do with how you look.

5) May. Speaking of how you look, I learned how freeing it is to go sans makeup.

6) June. Always save up more than you think you’ll need before moving. Way more.

7) July. This month must always be spent in the Hamptons from now on. No exceptions.

8) August. Is it horrible that I have nothing great to say about August? The only thing this past August made me realize is how much I love and look forward to the fall.

9) September. Hard work really does pay off. Hello, FreelyBe.

10) October. Where to even begin? Hurricane Sandy changed everything and made me realize what’s truly important in life. People.

11) November. I learned how the concept of “being myself” isn’t as cliché as I once thought.

12) December. This past month I’ve been reflecting on the year, and – to be honest - 2012 wasn’t exactly my favorite year. It was, though, the year that I’ve learned more about life and myself than ever before. 2012 brought a ton of unexpected trials but also unexpected blessings, and I wouldn’t have had it be any other way.

Other favorite posts from the year:

the nyc girl workout
fall fashion favorites
7 tips for more flattering outfits
how to be an LOP
never before seen, via my iphone
reese’s pieces cookie bars
five beauty products every girl should own
so you want to live in NYC: the social life
cake batter fudge

What things did you learn in 2012?

how to be an l.o.p.

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My friends and I often use the acronym L.O.P.

ell-oh-pee.

Life Of Party.

People often misunderstand, though, what being an LOP is all about. When you first hear it you might think it’s about being obnoxious and/or getting attention, but it’s actually quite the opposite. It’s actually about not caring if you get an ounce of attention.

Being an LOP means having fun no matter where you are or who you’re with. It’s about knowing who you are and owning it. Being the life of the party is best learned by just doing it, but here are some of the ways you can practice finding your inner LOP.

be undignified.
In other words, practice the age-old trick of just not caring what other people think of you. If that means dancing the night away and getting all sorts of weird – do it! If it means you feel like just chilling and having good conversation with people – do that. There’s no prescription for what being undignified means other than simply doing and acting like YOU.

dress how you’re feeling.
…not how you think you’re supposed to. The people that are always having the most fun are the ones who feel the most comfortable in their own skin. If you feel like wearing ripped up jeans and a t-shirt but instead wear a tight black dress, chances are you’re not going to have the best time you possibly can. So whether you decide to rock combat boots or a girlie floral dress (or both) – always go with your gut when it comes to what you wear.

be nice.
Just about everyone is drawn to nice people. Sure, you can get attention by being a diva or a jerk, and some people go that route. But to be a true LOP, it takes someone who has the confidence to be nice to everyone and anyone. Being mean and rude might get you somewhere for a while, but the nice ones really do always finish last.

enjoy your company.
What’s your motive when you’re out or at a party? LOPs are the ones spending time getting to know other people and enjoying their company rather than wasting precious time trying to impress them. It’s when you stop worrying about yourself and instead focus on others that will lend to having the best time possible.

Sometimes I’m an LOP, and sometimes I’m not. But I’ll tell you one thing - what it all comes down to your attitude. Your confidence. Being comfortable in your own skin and who are naturally are. When you do that, you’ll automatically give off a magnetic vibe to others. The irony is, though, that if you’re truly walking the LOP walk, you won’t even care what sort of “vibes” you’re giving off anyway. And that’s quite freeing, if you ask me.

What does being an LOP mean to you? Agree/disagree with any of these?