dating & relationships | Girl Meets Life | a lifestyle blog by Gracie Gordon

dating & relationships: when being picky is a bad thing.

18 June, 2015 by Gracie 12 Comments

Since writing my There’s Only Plan A post and reading all of your comment responses to it, I’ve felt pretty strongly that I should follow up with this one. Thanks especially to Bethany and her comment for inspiring me to address this (she shared this article with me, which is very much worth a read).

One might think that the whole just say no to plan B concept automatically means it’s okay to be picky - to write off guys more easily or more quickly because they’re not the plan A relationship you’ve built up in your mind.

Well, that’s not exactly what I meant.

Have you ever heard someone say “I’m just too picky” like it’s a badge of honor? I have, and I’ve probably been that person before. But the older I get, the more I realize that being picky can actually be a bad thing…and something that can hold you back from not just meeting the right guy(s), but also from becoming your best self.

Don’t get me wrong - I am (clearly) all for not settling. But, let’s always make sure that we’re not misusing the concept of settling. There’s a difference between not settling and just being too damn picky.

So, how do you know what the difference is? I suggest knowing what your non-negotiables are (this post that Jessi wrote does a great job of breaking it down). But for the short version, ask yourself:

What are the characteristics I absolutely must have in a partner?

Sorry, girls - “taller than you in heels” doesn’t quality for this one 😉 I’m talking about bigger picture things like beliefs, values, communication, integrity, etc.

And on that same note -

What are the things I absolutely cannot tolerate in a partner?

For example - infidelity, dishonesty, anger issues, etc.

Does that make sense? I think those are the sort of things I think it’s okay to be “picky” about - not whether or not your partner is brunette, works on Wall Street, or is a Yankees fan.

Look, I’m not saying that you can’t still have certain attributes and characteristics that you look for in a partner. Chemistry is still so SO important, and shouldn’t be ignored.

But here’s the thing - I do believe there is a middle ground. I see so many girls pendulum swing from being hopeless romantics waiting for their dream guy (that may or may not exist) to come to sweep them off their feet…to believing that passion and romance doesn’t exist, so they go for the relationship that just looks good on paper. Life may not be a fairytale, but it also doesn’t have to be like Desperate Housewives.

So for the sake of not seeming like I’m contradicting myself (ha) - what I’m getting at is that I do believe ultimately in plan A relationships, but let’s always make sure we’re not writing off great guys/girls just because they don’t fit into the Plan A Box we’ve (maybe subconsciously) created for ourselves.

So if you’re currently dating - maybe challenge yourself in that. And remember not to pendulum swing - going on a date or two to get to know someone doesn’t have to be this life altering decision - it’s simply the opportunity to get to know someone new and see where it goes. Because if I know anything, it’s that love is a weird thing. A weird but awesome thing. And you never know who might turn out to be your plan A…

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think it’s possible to be too picky?

dating & relationships: there’s only plan A.

15 June, 2015 by Gracie 50 Comments

When I first started writing this post, I tried to find a way to apply it to all areas of life. But, it just wasn’t coming together. It was messy, and I was having trouble getting my point across. So I slept on it, and the next day I realized that it should be focused specifically on dating/relationships. Writing about dating makes me all sorts of nervous and weird, which is totally not like me, so that makes me think that I am supposed to share it all the more.

there's only plan A - why you shouldn't settle when it comes to dating

In most areas of life, I’ve pretty much always been a “have a plan B” (and sometimes plan C) sort of person. You know - in case something (or someone) didn’t turn out the way I hoped - I had something to fall back on.

Over the past few months, though, that’s something that God has really been challenging me on. I heard a message from Todd White where he said over a dozen times how Jesus is plan A, and there is no plan B. That struck a serious chord within me and *my* relationship with Jesus. After a few days of meditating on that, I began to think about how it applied to other areas of my life as well.

What I realized is that I had that mentality pretty dug in deep when it came to dating specifically. And, looking around at my peers and society today, I think it’s safe to say that that’s a mentality that mostly everyone has.

It’s only natural, when you think about it. Whether it’s because someone just wants to have a bunch options to have fun, or to combat the fear of rejection, this day in age (dating apps - HELLO) makes it easier than ever to have as many plan B’s as you could possibly want.

There’s the plan B that is ridiculously good looking, but it kinda sorta stops there.
…the plan B that you’re head over heels for, but it isn’t reciprocated (or vice versa).
…the plan B who is everything on paper you could ever want, but the chemistry is lacking.
…the plan B who gives you just enough to stick around, yet you know deep down it’s not enough.

I apologize for how ridiculously harsh it seems to define human beings as just “plan B’s,” but I think you know where I was trying to go with that. Plan B’s aren’t necessarily specific people - they’re types of relationships that you know deep down are not right for you, but you keep them around anyway.

For such a long time I thought, well - where’s the harm in having plan B relationship? It’s just to hold me over and keep me distracted until plan A comes along, right? And you never know - plan B could always turn out to be plan A!

I get that - I totally do. And for a lot of people, that might work. But in my own life, especially as of late, I feel pretty strongly that it doesn’t exactly work that way.

Because here’s the thing I’m learning about having a plan B. Yes - it does a great job of distracting you until plan A comes along, but to what extent? Is it so distracting that you’re actually putting off finding your plan A even longer without realizing it?

For me (truth serum) that has looked a lot like waiting and hoping that a plan B relationship would suddenly turn into a plan A. It has been changing things about myself to be more appealing to the wrong guys, when I should have been focusing on becoming the woman that my future husband will eventually find and think - there she is.

At first it’s scary to kick the plan B’s and C’s. They’re usually still pretty decent options. But please remember that your hopes and desires for that plan A relationship - even if you haven’t found it yet - is there for a reason.

Our hopes and dreams and desires are there for a reason. Don’t settle for the second rate version. I challenge you to not even pay plan B any mind and just keep your focus on plan A.

It’s not “eye on getting attention,” or “eye on something is better than nothing.” It’s eye on the prize. Eye on YOUR guy. Eye on YOUR girl.

This isn’t about being entitled, it’s about being hopeful. It’s about having faith. It’s about knowing your value, and believing in what you deserve.

I think it’s important to note that it’s also about respecting the other person! I have admittedly been some guys’ plan B (and maybe even a plan D or E at one point…that’s New York, for ya :P), and it obviously sucks. So why would I ever want to do that to someone else?

Sometimes plan A might take a little longer, and it might be more difficult to achieve, but you know (you KNOW) it’s so much more worth it in the end.

I may not be an expert, but I know this much about successful relationships - they only work if you’re both each other’s plan A.

So for me…that’s what I’m holding out for. No more backup plan. There’s only plan A. And that’s actually pretty freeing.

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Can you relate? Have you found dating these days becoming more difficult because everyone has so many alternatives?

vlog: NYC diaries - some q&a.

3 March, 2015 by Gracie 3 Comments

The #1 thing I get emails and questions about is related to living in/moving to New York, so I’m going to start chipping away at those in my vlogs! (By the way here’s a previous one I don’t think I ever shared on GML, oops).

In this video I answer some recent questions I’ve gotten, from dating to my advice for someone new to the city.

(if you’re a YouTube user, feel free to go ahead and subscribe to my channel!)

Mentioned in this video:

Arrojo Studio (I go to Nadia)
All About Hinge
Do You Tinder?
All of my previous NYC posts + restaurant/attraction guide

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Do you have any questions about New York (or anything else)? Let me know and I’ll try to answer it in my next vlog 🙂

snapshots | 2.12.15.

12 February, 2015 by Gracie 3 Comments

1) The other day I had a serious craving for cereal. And not just any cereal…Panda Puffs. AKA cereal made for a 5-year-old. No shame.

2) The bad news is it’s still ridiculously too cold to wear a sleeveless top. The good news is I thought I lost this shirt (this seems to be a pattern), but it recently turned up. Hallelujah!

3) After what felt like an eternity of gloomy, slushy weather - blue skies during an afternoon in Soho (my favorite neighborhood in NYC) was a beautiful sight.

4) One of my favorite places to get lunch in the city is Terri. They have this roasted vegetable wrap is just so SO good. I didn’t have breakfast on this particular morning (tisk tisk) so I got the wrap + a Green Power smoothie for “brunch.”

5) I think this might make me less of a girl, but I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of roses. BUT - this perfect single rose just looked so pretty over the crisp white snow, no?

6) Obviously this is meant to be silly, but I wonder how many relationships these days it’s actually true for! I love it - instaflirting is where it’s at 😉

7) Stolen directly from my Instagram post - If wearing lots of color isn’t really your thing, here are my favorite ways to add a pop of pink and red! Red Carpet Manicure‘s Red Carpet Reddy and My Favorite Designer, Nars Schiap, and Sephora cream lip stain Always Red.

8) If you follow me on SnapChat (@alagracie), you probably know this is my most typical snap - life imitating Emoji. So original, much amusement.

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What’s your favorite cereal? What are your plans for this weekend (Valentine’s Day!)?

life: how social media is making us terrible daters.

14 October, 2014 by Gracie 9 Comments

You know me – I LOVE all things social media. I decided to even make a living out of it, in fact.

I also love chatting about dating and relationships because…well I’m a girl, and that’s what we do.

So you can understand my disappointment when I realized that two of my favorite things didn’t exactly mesh well together. They CAN, but they often don’t.

Instead of straight up dissing the glorious channel of virtual communication that is social media, though, I’d like to give us all (myself included) a few thoughts on why social media could potentially be harmful to our dating lives. Cool? Cool.

1. the curse of the alternative.

With Instagram, Facebook, Tinder, and all of these other social apps, there are literally thousands of members of the opposite sex at our fingertips that we would have never known existed otherwise. And hey – that could be a great thing. I’m the first to admit that YES it’s 2014, and social media is how people are connecting. BUT, I’m noticing that this influx of new people that we’re being introduced to on a constant basis is causing confusion and non-committal attitudes toward dating. I’ve definitely been guilty of this – the whole “but what if option b, c, or d is better?” sort of mentality. That’s where I think it’s so important to be self aware and know what we actually want.

2. stalking made easy.

Ohh yes, the joys of Internet stalking. I obviously can’t let this one bother me much because HELLO I basically have my life laid out for you right here and now. What I do pride myself in, though, is keeping certain things very private from GML and social media. It must’ve been quite nice, though, in the days where you literally would have no idea where people were, who they were with, or what they were doing/listening to/wearing 24/7.

3. we’re always looking down.

This is more of an overall cell phone issue, but social media definitely plays a huge part. We’ve been programed to use any pass time, travel time, or basically any time we’re not actively engaged in something else to be staring down at our phones. There’s no denying that this is taking away from human interaction (and not just when it comes to dating). And, some of these places we’re glued to our phones at are actually the places you can meet the most new people. So whether on the subway, at the grocery store, or waiting for friends at the bar – just look UP!

4. we’re getting lazy.

This is probably what I find to be most unfortunate, just because I’m your typical girl who has been overexposed to more romantic comedies than I care to admit. But I feel like meet cutes in “real life” don’t happen quite like they used to.

I think the reason is twofold: 1) it’s straight up easier and more convenient to communicate via an app/social media and 2) with the decline of face to face interaction comes a rise in fearing rejection. It’s almost like we’re no longer cut out for being turned down in person because instead we’re being “swiped left” or scrolled past without ever even knowing it.

With all of that being said, let me revert to my hopeful romantic self and say that nothing will keep me from being optimistic about dating and relationships. Pardon the cheesiness, but I do trust that love is a stronger force than any selfie, status, or app. Yes I just used the L word. Gasp.

Like I said before, the takeaway from all of this isn’t that social media is the arch enemy of dating, but more so to be aware and use it wisely. So the next time you’re liking his photo or sending her a wink, just remember that there’s an actual person on the other end of the screen.

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What are your thoughts on this? Do you think social media does more harm or good when it comes to dating/relationships?