We all have them. Those things in our lives that have gone unfinished. The things that ended abruptly or without explanation. The relationships, the opportunities, and the dreams that we once pursued but lost by the wayside. I can think of at least five in my own life as I write this.
They are the things that you do your best to not even acknowledge because the loose ends bother you too much. You don’t even attempt to seek closure with those things because, well, how would you get it? So much of what we desire closure from are based on circumstances outside of our control, so why even go there?
Recently, I’ve learned that that is a lie I had believed for far too long. There’s this myth that something has to happen TO you in order for closure to take place.
An apology from someone.
An explanation from someone.
Something happening that causes it all to suddenly “make sense.”
Something that assures you you’re better off.
Here’s the thing about closure, though. Closure isn’t about something happening TO you, it’s about something happening WITHIN you.
Right now I should probably dedicate this post to my best friend Jessi, who helped me come to this realization earlier this year. I can’t imagine how much she listened to me whine and complain about “well if just this happened I would be fine.” She gave me the tough love I needed to hear – that the closure I was so desperately seeking had nothing to do with my circumstances, other people, etc. Instead, it had everything to do with a) taking responsibility for my own life and b) working it out with God and God alone.
What I’m trying to say is this. Sure – you could go on in your life and just try to forget or be in denial about your unfinished business. Or you can use those experiences to grow as a person, strengthen your trust in God, and learn from it for the future.
With that being said, I DO think it’s important to impart closure when necessary. When the ball is in your court, give closure where closure is due. For example, if you decide to leave a job, a church, or a relationship, I believe that having integrity and making your intentions clearly known is the important and respectable thing to do.
When you don’t receive that in return, though, don’t let it make you bitter. That’s where the importance of forgiveness comes in – forgiving others and forgiving yourself. But we’ll save that for another post…
What are your thoughts on this? In what area(s) of your life do you need closure?