match.com singles in america event.

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Yesterday while everyone was a NYFW event of some sort, I went to an event for something I’m much more interested in – dating!

The Match.com 4th annual Singles in America panel was held at Toshi’s Living Room in the Flatiron Hotel.

For about an hour guests mingled, enjoyed snacks, and special Valentine’s Day themed cocktails by Vangogh Vodka.

Then, it was time for the discussion! On the panel was Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger, celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, Relationship Expert Dr. Emily Morse, Cosmo Sex & Relationship Editor Anna Breslaw, and Biological Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher.

For an hour they discussed all things dating and relationships based on a recent study done by Match.com. Here are some of the tidbits I found to be most interesting:

 

* the top 3 things people notice first in a person are: 1) teeth 2) confidence 3) grammar

* most people no longer follow the “3 day rule” of calling after a date

* according to Patti, NYC girls should go to the suburbs to meet guys

* according to Emily, “the issues you have on the 3rd date are issues you’ll probably have forever.”

* bars are statistically the worst place to meet people

* people are now meeting online more than anywhere else

 

I was definitely surprised by some of those stats. It was really fun and insightful hearing about the study, as well as the thoughts/opinions of the different experts.

Which of those statistics do you agree/disagree with most?

What are the top 3 things you first notice in a guy/girl?

do you tinder?

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I don’t know about where you’re from, but in New York there’s a dating app that seems to be changing the way New Yorkers meet each other.

I have a bunch of friends who are on Tinder, and they seem to like it a lot. It’s an app that links to your Facebook account (but that remains private on the FB end), and you basically browse through other singles in your area. You can either “like” or “pass” on each person, and if they have “liked” you as well, Tinder matches the two of you up for further conversation.

One of my friends in particular has tried a handful of other dating sites like EHarmony, Ok Cupid, and Match.com, and she says that the Tinder app has actually gotten her better dates. She’s currently about to go on date #3 with a guy she considers boyfriend material.

As someone who hasn’t tried Tinder (or any dating website/apps), I was interested in learning more. So I started grilling my friend, and here’s what I found.

The number one thing she said she likes about Tinder is that it’s the most close to meeting someone for the first time in real life – it’s back to the basics of attraction – whereas other dating websites tend to share more personal information.

Some other upsides of Tinder:

* you know the other person is attracted to you too (without them knowing you’ve “liked” them)
* you can see what mutual friends/interests you have
* it’s easy to use and not complicated (no profiles to fill out, etc.)
* it’s free
* if you don’t “like” someone, they cannot contact you

Some of the downsides of Tinder:

* you’ll most likely see people you know on there (if that bothers you…I say who cares?)
* you might have to click a lot of “passes” before you find a “like”
* there’s always the risk of creepy people, and I’ve heard of a few not-so-great instances
* it’s based on very little information about the other person
* some people view it as more of a game

What do you think about Tinder? I’m still pretty traditional when it comes to dating, but the concept of Tinder is pretty interesting to me. I also like how it’s become mainstream and…well, normal. So who knows…maybe I’ll see what I think about it myself ;)

Do you know of anyone who met in Tinder? What about other dating websites/apps?

being a girl in nyc: post six.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

on not losing yourself.

A few weeks ago we talked about the importance of being self aware and how it relates to dating/being in a relationship. The key to being self aware, though, is that you continue to do so! I think it’s so unfortunate when people enter into a relationship (or even friendship) and start to change who they truly are in order to please the other person or to make the relationship work.

Losing yourself in a relationship or another person isn’t something that happens overnight. Usually it happens slowly and without you even noticing it. It’s easy to become so caught up in feelings you’re having that you don’t even realize you aren’t being fully your true self.

Here are some questions I think are good to ask yourself to make sure you’re staying to true your identity.

1) Does the person you’re dating support your passions/calling in life?
If not, I don’t think I have to tell you that that’s a huge red flag. Whether he/she “gets” it or not, having someone who supports you and is always on your team is a must-have, if you ask me.

2) Do they get along with your friends (and vice versa)?
Who people “do life” with says a lot about who they are, as it does in your own life. I understand that not everyone is always going to completely hit it off, but feeling like your friends and significant other don’t mesh isn’t something to be ignored.

3) Do you ever feel yourself needing to change (even just downplay) things about yourself?
This is one that you really need to pay attention to because it happens subtly. The moment you feel yourself wanting to make sure to “do this” or “look like this” – really examine why you’re feeling that way (it’s not always a bad thing, but something you should reflect on). This is an area that it’s really good to talk to a friend about. A lot of times our friends can see these things in us better than we can see them ourselves.

4) Is the relationship strengthening or taking away from your relationship with God?
This is probably the number one thing you need to ask yourself. Thankfully, the answer will most likely be very clear to you.

5) If you do find yourself changing, are the changes positive?
Change isn’t always a bad thing! When you get closer to another person, sometimes it’s inevitable. The important thing is to make sure that the changes are for the better. For example - are you being challenged to become a better person and/or grow in your faith? Are you learning how to communicate better? Becoming more spontaneous? etc.

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Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship? Which of these questions can you relate to the most?

being a girl in nyc: post four.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

friendship with the opposite sex. {by jessi}

I had this posted here in full (as you can see in the comments), but wanted to encourage the conversation to take place on Jessi’s end so she can best manage your responses, as this is quite the hot topic!

Jump on over to Modern Wonderland to read “friendship with the opposite sex”

being a girl in nyc: post two.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

On Self Awareness

Last year, Jessi and I both read “Date or Soul Mate?” by Neil Clark Warren. Despite the ridiculously cheesy title, it was a really helpful and insightful book. What made it different and more helpful than other dating books is that instead of just offering advice and prescriptions for dating, it had you first look inward by asking questions about yourself in order to determine what it is you actually need and want out of a relationship.

The point of being self aware before dating or entering into a relationship (or even in friendships) is that you must first know yourself as much as possible before partnering with another person. According to the book, the most successful relationships are ones where two people working towards personal wholeness come together, rather than two people looking to fulfill some sort of void.

Not to mention that the more you know yourself and are confident in who you are, you’ll more quickly be able to tell if someone would be a good match for you.

I highly suggest reading the book an answering the questions for yourself (including the “must-haves” and “can’t stands” list, which Jessi will address in a future post). But just to give you an idea, here are some of the self-awareness questions that the book suggests answering about yourself.

1) Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
2) What is it like being you? More precisely, how do you feel about yourself – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?
3) What is the most important thing in the world to you?
4) If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
5) What is the role of God in your life?
6) Do you think of yourself as an emotionally healthy person? In what ways are you especially healthy, and in what ways could you use improvement?

For me, answering those questions really changed the way I think about relationships in general. I realized that not only do I want to be confident and secure in who I am, but that I want to be surrounded by people who are of themselves as well. It’s not that we have to have it all figured out, but I think that at least a basic level of self awareness is crucial before being in meaningful relationships with other people.

Do you consider yourself to be self aware? Which of those questions do you think is the most insightful?

being a girl in nyc: post one.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

The Myths and Truths of Christian Dating

Dating can be difficult enough on its own, but a lot of times Christian dating can be even more confusing. Unfortunately God doesn’t lay out blue prints in the Bible of who, where, when, and how we should date. Because of that, there are countless myths out there about what Christian dating should or shouldn’t look like. Here are some of the common ideas about Christian dating that Jessi and I think are incorrect, and what we believe is the real truth behind them.

MYTH: There is only one person meant just for you.

TRUTH: First of all, this isn’t anywhere in the Bible. Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely believe that God knows ours needs and desires (more than we know our own) and that He knows the perfect person we will ultimately end up with. But if there was only one single person for everyone, then wouldn’t that mean the whole order of the universe was thrown off the moment two wrong people got together? Like I said – God does know the perfect person we’ll end up with, but I think it’s important to remember that timing, disposition, and each person’s free will is part of what determines who that is.

MYTH: Christians should just hang out as friends because real dates are too serious.

TRUTH: I think this is one of the main things that makes Christian dating so confusing. Guys are somehow under the impression that taking a girl on a date is leading them on, so they organize a less serious “hang out” if they’re interested. The problem with that, though, is that it makes intentions unclear. Here’s the thing about dating – whether you’re a Christian or not, a lot of times it just doesn’t work out. And that’s okay. It’s better to at least make your intentions known and have everything out on the table. It’s not a sin if it doesn’t end in a relationship or marriage! Not to mention that Christian girls are still girls. We all love to feel desired and be pursued in the way we deserve.

MYTH: Having the same faith is the most important thing in a relationship – everything else will work itself out around that.

TRUTH: Yes – sharing the same faith is crucial – and not just because the Bible says so. Being on the same page with your beliefs affects every other aspect of a relationship. With that being said, though, sharing the same faith doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to click with someone emotionally, physically, intellectually, or even on a spiritual level. You wouldn’t choose a best friend just because you’re both Christians, so why would you do that with a potential mate?

MYTH: Dating a Christian means you won’t encounter any relationship problems.

TRUTH: This is similar to the last myth. Just because you’re dating a Christian, it doesn’t mean that everything is going to be rainbows and angels singing in the background at all times. All relationships require at least some sort of work to successfully grow and become healthier, and you’re setting yourself up for failure if you don’t realize that. Choosing the right person with the same faith is only the very beginning of the journey.

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What are some myths about (Christian) dating you have believed?
Which of these myths or truths do you agree/disagree with the most?