do you tinder?

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I don’t know about where you’re from, but in New York there’s a dating app that seems to be changing the way New Yorkers meet each other.

I have a bunch of friends who are on Tinder, and they seem to like it a lot. It’s an app that links to your Facebook account (but that remains private on the FB end), and you basically browse through other singles in your area. You can either “like” or “pass” on each person, and if they have “liked” you as well, Tinder matches the two of you up for further conversation.

One of my friends in particular has tried a handful of other dating sites like EHarmony, Ok Cupid, and Match.com, and she says that the Tinder app has actually gotten her better dates. She’s currently about to go on date #3 with a guy she considers boyfriend material.

As someone who hasn’t tried Tinder (or any dating website/apps), I was interested in learning more. So I started grilling my friend, and here’s what I found.

The number one thing she said she likes about Tinder is that it’s the most close to meeting someone for the first time in real life – it’s back to the basics of attraction – whereas other dating websites tend to share more personal information.

Some other upsides of Tinder:

* you know the other person is attracted to you too (without them knowing you’ve “liked” them)
* you can see what mutual friends/interests you have
* it’s easy to use and not complicated (no profiles to fill out, etc.)
* it’s free
* if you don’t “like” someone, they cannot contact you

Some of the downsides of Tinder:

* you’ll most likely see people you know on there (if that bothers you…I say who cares?)
* you might have to click a lot of “passes” before you find a “like”
* there’s always the risk of creepy people, and I’ve heard of a few not-so-great instances
* it’s based on very little information about the other person
* some people view it as more of a game

What do you think about Tinder? I’m still pretty traditional when it comes to dating, but the concept of Tinder is pretty interesting to me. I also like how it’s become mainstream and…well, normal. So who knows…maybe I’ll see what I think about it myself ;)

Do you know of anyone who met in Tinder? What about other dating websites/apps?

being a girl in nyc: post six.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

on not losing yourself.

A few weeks ago we talked about the importance of being self aware and how it relates to dating/being in a relationship. The key to being self aware, though, is that you continue to do so! I think it’s so unfortunate when people enter into a relationship (or even friendship) and start to change who they truly are in order to please the other person or to make the relationship work.

Losing yourself in a relationship or another person isn’t something that happens overnight. Usually it happens slowly and without you even noticing it. It’s easy to become so caught up in feelings you’re having that you don’t even realize you aren’t being fully your true self.

Here are some questions I think are good to ask yourself to make sure you’re staying to true your identity.

1) Does the person you’re dating support your passions/calling in life?
If not, I don’t think I have to tell you that that’s a huge red flag. Whether he/she “gets” it or not, having someone who supports you and is always on your team is a must-have, if you ask me.

2) Do they get along with your friends (and vice versa)?
Who people “do life” with says a lot about who they are, as it does in your own life. I understand that not everyone is always going to completely hit it off, but feeling like your friends and significant other don’t mesh isn’t something to be ignored.

3) Do you ever feel yourself needing to change (even just downplay) things about yourself?
This is one that you really need to pay attention to because it happens subtly. The moment you feel yourself wanting to make sure to “do this” or “look like this” – really examine why you’re feeling that way (it’s not always a bad thing, but something you should reflect on). This is an area that it’s really good to talk to a friend about. A lot of times our friends can see these things in us better than we can see them ourselves.

4) Is the relationship strengthening or taking away from your relationship with God?
This is probably the number one thing you need to ask yourself. Thankfully, the answer will most likely be very clear to you.

5) If you do find yourself changing, are the changes positive?
Change isn’t always a bad thing! When you get closer to another person, sometimes it’s inevitable. The important thing is to make sure that the changes are for the better. For example - are you being challenged to become a better person and/or grow in your faith? Are you learning how to communicate better? Becoming more spontaneous? etc.

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Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship? Which of these questions can you relate to the most?

being a girl in nyc: post five.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

on passion and chemistry.

Back when I wrote the post on the myths and truths behind Christian dating, I realized how important this particular topic is to me. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard and seen settle in to relationships because “it’s the right thing to do” or just because “he’s a great Christian man.”

Well, that’s all well and good…but what about being madly, truly, passionately in love with someone? Just because that’s the aspect of love often depicted in fairy tales, that doesn’t mean that it’s not real. And it certainly doesn’t mean that it’s not important.

Here are some of my thoughts on passion and chemistry in a relationship.

Sometimes chemistry occurs instantly between two people. Some Christians see this as being a negative thing because it’s “just too fast” and “can’t be healthy.” I don’t fully agree with that. I firmly believe in and have experienced having an instant connection with someone, and I’ll be honest – it’s pretty great. If you’re being wise and using discernment, timing and speed can become irrelevant. With that being said, though, it really is important to make sure you don’t let that chemistry overshadow other important aspects of being in a relationship, like the things you put on your “must have” and “can’t stand” lists.

Other times, it can take some time to grow. And that’s okay too. I personally think that’s why it’s so important to give people the chance at least 2-3 dates. I’ve been on dates with guys where I was “so-so” at first, but by the third date I realized I did in fact really like him. A lot of times the strongest connection between two people is one that is discovered slowly.

Passion and chemistry – to us – is a “must have.” Whether it’s instant or grows over time, it just HAS to be there. We see passion and chemistry as one of the things that acts as glue in a relationship. When issues come and go, there is the common bond of intimacy on a different level that nothing can tear apart.

…but it’s not the only thing. Like I said before, focusing on having a relationship with only passion (and no communication, trust, etc.) can be the foundation for an extremely unhealthy and unfulfilling relationship.

You might be thinking, “but I’ve heard that passion fades, so why is it that important?”
Honestly, I don’t believe that to be true. Yes – love and passion does change and evolve over time. I’m no expert, but I am surrounded by many couples that have been married for 10, 20, 40 years (including my own parents), and they have proven that it is possible to keep the passion there long-term. In fact, most of those couple are even more passionately in love when they were in their honeymoon phase.

Lastly, I believe that God wants us to experience Eros love with another human being, as depicted in the book of Song of Solomon. The partnership between a man and woman is meant to symbolize the covenant relationship between Christ and His bride (the church), and I believe that that love is supposed to feel stronger than a friendship, and deeper than it being “the right thing.” God is purposeful and intentional, so I believe He created passion and chemistry for a reason.

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What are your thoughts on passion and chemistry within a relationship? Is it a “must have” for you?