adventures in tinder.

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A couple of months ago I posted about the dating app revolution that is Tinder. Well, a few days after that, I started using Tinder for myself. You know, for research purposes 😉

Honestly, I was really wary at first. I didn’t think Tinder was “my kind of thing” (which, I was right about). But after that original post I got a ton of readers asking me to review it. And I reminded myself that it is just an app, after all.

I stopped using Tinder a couple of weeks ago for reasons I’ll explain in a bit, but it was definitely an interesting experience that I’m excited to share about.

Here are the pros and cons I learned from using Tinder.

tinder

the pros of Tinder.

1. it builds confidence.
I get asked out here and there in “real life”,” but it’s quite the confidence booster to see that guys I found really attractive thought that I was as well.

2. it greatly opens possibly.
This one is pretty obvious – on Tinder you become open to meeting hundreds or thousands of people that you might not otherwise. I’ve heard of many people meeting their boyfriend/girlfriend on Tinder so…who knows!

3. it’s free, uncomplicated, and can be fun.
Tinder doesn’t have the commitment level of online dating, which might appeal to a lot of people who want to meet new singles without spending money or creating a full profile. Not to mention it’s simple, and can just be plain fun.

4. it’s (oddly) like meeting people in real life.
This is something my friend mentioned before that I did find to be true.

5. it’s a learning experience.
I’m a big believer that being self aware is really important when it comes to dating and being in a relationship. Using Tinder helped me realize more about what I like, need, and deserve when it comes to dating.

tinder_match

the cons of Tinder.

1. it seemed like a lot of people view it as a game, or just a means to hook up.
This was the main issue for me. I’m definitely not saying that all guys view Tinder this way, but most of the guys I chatted with…well, it ended pretty quickly when I could tell we didn’t have the same intentions. I definitely chatted with some decent guys too, but I guess got sick of “weeding through” the others (then again, I suppose that’s life in general when it comes to dating).

2. you don’t always know what you’re going to get.
This is something I knew going into using Tinder, and it can definitely be fun to meet someone for the first time without knowing much about them. But even though I saw pictures and chatted with guys before going out with them, it’s still essentially a blind date. I much prefer having met someone first to gauge if there’s at least a bit of a connection before going on a date.

3. I wasn’t coming across my “type” of guy.
The reason I put “type” in quotation marks is because the older I get and the more I date, the more I realize that I actually *don’t* have a type. However, for me it’s important to date a guy that’s a) a Christian and b) looking for more than just a hookup. I’m *not* saying that those guys can’t be or aren’t on Tinder, but I didn’t meet any in the 2-3 months I was on there.

tinderlogo

So as you can see, I actually came up with more pros than cons with it comes to Tinder. However, with where I’m at in life right now, the cons (especially #1 and #3) are “bigger” enough than the pros that I’ve stopped using Tinder. So while I wouldn’t say Tinder is terrible, I’m personally going to keep at it the old fashioned way.

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Have you tried Tinder? Which of these do you agree/disagree with most?

ask G, part 6.

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1. Can you tell us the story of how you and Jessi met and became best friends? – anonymous

We first met at Liberty Church! Then we saw each other again at a church Sisterhood event, talked about my blondies (haha), went out to a friend’s birthday party afterward, and literally became best friends within a few weeks. And we’ve been ever since!

2. Is there anything you won’t/don’t blog about? – anonymous

I don’t really post about my dating life because it just seems…weird (especially in the beginning stages of dating someone). When I’m in a serious relationship I’ll post about it.

I also try not to post often about (bad) things that I’m going through in life. It’s not that I’m trying to hide anything, it’s just that most of those things are actually pretty dumb, and I hate to put off a “woe is me” attitude when I know that I’m actually very blessed.

3. I just graduated college and ended a relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. I want to start dating, but I’m so nervous and don’t know where to begin. What’s your best piece of advice for dating in your 20s?? – Allison

I can definitely relate. I went through a similar situation, and honestly I put off dating for years because I hated the idea of it. I have a lot of thoughts on dating/relationships, but I think the biggest thing is just don’t over-think it. I can only speak from personal experience, but any time I over-think I find myself not acting like myself, and being yourself is so very important when it comes to dating (and any relationships, for that matter). Go easy on yourself, enjoy the time getting to know a new person, and observe the interaction/how you feel. I feel like we tend to over-complicate things when it comes to dating/relationships when it should really be quite…simple.

4. Who is your celebrity crush? – Adam

Can I name a few? 😉 Bradley Cooper, Jon Hamm, and Charlie Hunnam.

5. Do you have any tattoos? – anonymous

Yes, I have 4. Soon to be 5, possibly!

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Please note that I’m *not* an expert and that this advice is based solely on my own experiences and thoughts. Have a question? Feel free to leave it as a comment on this post or ask me anonymously.

Do you have/want any tattoos?
Celebrity crush?

do you tinder?

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I don’t know about where you’re from, but in New York there’s a dating app that seems to be changing the way New Yorkers meet each other.

I have a bunch of friends who are on Tinder, and they seem to like it a lot. It’s an app that links to your Facebook account (but that remains private on the FB end), and you basically browse through other singles in your area. You can either “like” or “pass” on each person, and if they have “liked” you as well, Tinder matches the two of you up for further conversation.

One of my friends in particular has tried a handful of other dating sites like EHarmony, Ok Cupid, and Match.com, and she says that the Tinder app has actually gotten her better dates. She’s currently about to go on date #3 with a guy she considers boyfriend material.

As someone who hasn’t tried Tinder (or any dating website/apps), I was interested in learning more. So I started grilling my friend, and here’s what I found.

The number one thing she said she likes about Tinder is that it’s the most close to meeting someone for the first time in real life – it’s back to the basics of attraction – whereas other dating websites tend to share more personal information.

Some other upsides of Tinder:

* you know the other person is attracted to you too (without them knowing you’ve “liked” them)
* you can see what mutual friends/interests you have
* it’s easy to use and not complicated (no profiles to fill out, etc.)
* it’s free
* if you don’t “like” someone, they cannot contact you

Some of the downsides of Tinder:

* you’ll most likely see people you know on there (if that bothers you…I say who cares?)
* you might have to click a lot of “passes” before you find a “like”
* there’s always the risk of creepy people, and I’ve heard of a few not-so-great instances
* it’s based on very little information about the other person
* some people view it as more of a game

What do you think about Tinder? I’m still pretty traditional when it comes to dating, but the concept of Tinder is pretty interesting to me. I also like how it’s become mainstream and…well, normal. So who knows…maybe I’ll see what I think about it myself 😉

Do you know of anyone who met in Tinder? What about other dating websites/apps?

being a girl in nyc: post four.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

friendship with the opposite sex. {by jessi}

I had this posted here in full (as you can see in the comments), but wanted to encourage the conversation to take place on Jessi’s end so she can best manage your responses, as this is quite the hot topic!

Jump on over to Modern Wonderland to read “friendship with the opposite sex”

being a girl in nyc: post two.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

On Self Awareness

Last year, Jessi and I both read “Date or Soul Mate?” by Neil Clark Warren. Despite the ridiculously cheesy title, it was a really helpful and insightful book. What made it different and more helpful than other dating books is that instead of just offering advice and prescriptions for dating, it had you first look inward by asking questions about yourself in order to determine what it is you actually need and want out of a relationship.

The point of being self aware before dating or entering into a relationship (or even in friendships) is that you must first know yourself as much as possible before partnering with another person. According to the book, the most successful relationships are ones where two people working towards personal wholeness come together, rather than two people looking to fulfill some sort of void.

Not to mention that the more you know yourself and are confident in who you are, you’ll more quickly be able to tell if someone would be a good match for you.

I highly suggest reading the book an answering the questions for yourself (including the “must-haves” and “can’t stands” list, which Jessi will address in a future post). But just to give you an idea, here are some of the self-awareness questions that the book suggests answering about yourself.

1) Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
2) What is it like being you? More precisely, how do you feel about yourself – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?
3) What is the most important thing in the world to you?
4) If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
5) What is the role of God in your life?
6) Do you think of yourself as an emotionally healthy person? In what ways are you especially healthy, and in what ways could you use improvement?

For me, answering those questions really changed the way I think about relationships in general. I realized that not only do I want to be confident and secure in who I am, but that I want to be surrounded by people who are of themselves as well. It’s not that we have to have it all figured out, but I think that at least a basic level of self awareness is crucial before being in meaningful relationships with other people.

Do you consider yourself to be self aware? Which of those questions do you think is the most insightful?

being a girl in nyc: post one.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

The Myths and Truths of Christian Dating

Dating can be difficult enough on its own, but a lot of times Christian dating can be even more confusing. Unfortunately God doesn’t lay out blue prints in the Bible of who, where, when, and how we should date. Because of that, there are countless myths out there about what Christian dating should or shouldn’t look like. Here are some of the common ideas about Christian dating that Jessi and I think are incorrect, and what we believe is the real truth behind them.

MYTH: There is only one person meant just for you.

TRUTH: First of all, this isn’t anywhere in the Bible. Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely believe that God knows ours needs and desires (more than we know our own) and that He knows the perfect person we will ultimately end up with. But if there was only one single person for everyone, then wouldn’t that mean the whole order of the universe was thrown off the moment two wrong people got together? Like I said – God does know the perfect person we’ll end up with, but I think it’s important to remember that timing, disposition, and each person’s free will is part of what determines who that is.

MYTH: Christians should just hang out as friends because real dates are too serious.

TRUTH: I think this is one of the main things that makes Christian dating so confusing. Guys are somehow under the impression that taking a girl on a date is leading them on, so they organize a less serious “hang out” if they’re interested. The problem with that, though, is that it makes intentions unclear. Here’s the thing about dating – whether you’re a Christian or not, a lot of times it just doesn’t work out. And that’s okay. It’s better to at least make your intentions known and have everything out on the table. It’s not a sin if it doesn’t end in a relationship or marriage! Not to mention that Christian girls are still girls. We all love to feel desired and be pursued in the way we deserve.

MYTH: Having the same faith is the most important thing in a relationship – everything else will work itself out around that.

TRUTH: Yes – sharing the same faith is crucial – and not just because the Bible says so. Being on the same page with your beliefs affects every other aspect of a relationship. With that being said, though, sharing the same faith doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to click with someone emotionally, physically, intellectually, or even on a spiritual level. You wouldn’t choose a best friend just because you’re both Christians, so why would you do that with a potential mate?

MYTH: Dating a Christian means you won’t encounter any relationship problems.

TRUTH: This is similar to the last myth. Just because you’re dating a Christian, it doesn’t mean that everything is going to be rainbows and angels singing in the background at all times. All relationships require at least some sort of work to successfully grow and become healthier, and you’re setting yourself up for failure if you don’t realize that. Choosing the right person with the same faith is only the very beginning of the journey.

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What are some myths about (Christian) dating you have believed?
Which of these myths or truths do you agree/disagree with the most?