do you tinder?

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I don’t know about where you’re from, but in New York there’s a dating app that seems to be changing the way New Yorkers meet each other.

I have a bunch of friends who are on Tinder, and they seem to like it a lot. It’s an app that links to your Facebook account (but that remains private on the FB end), and you basically browse through other singles in your area. You can either “like” or “pass” on each person, and if they have “liked” you as well, Tinder matches the two of you up for further conversation.

One of my friends in particular has tried a handful of other dating sites like EHarmony, Ok Cupid, and Match.com, and she says that the Tinder app has actually gotten her better dates. She’s currently about to go on date #3 with a guy she considers boyfriend material.

As someone who hasn’t tried Tinder (or any dating website/apps), I was interested in learning more. So I started grilling my friend, and here’s what I found.

The number one thing she said she likes about Tinder is that it’s the most close to meeting someone for the first time in real life – it’s back to the basics of attraction – whereas other dating websites tend to share more personal information.

Some other upsides of Tinder:

* you know the other person is attracted to you too (without them knowing you’ve “liked” them)
* you can see what mutual friends/interests you have
* it’s easy to use and not complicated (no profiles to fill out, etc.)
* it’s free
* if you don’t “like” someone, they cannot contact you

Some of the downsides of Tinder:

* you’ll most likely see people you know on there (if that bothers you…I say who cares?)
* you might have to click a lot of “passes” before you find a “like”
* there’s always the risk of creepy people, and I’ve heard of a few not-so-great instances
* it’s based on very little information about the other person
* some people view it as more of a game

What do you think about Tinder? I’m still pretty traditional when it comes to dating, but the concept of Tinder is pretty interesting to me. I also like how it’s become mainstream and…well, normal. So who knows…maybe I’ll see what I think about it myself ;)

Do you know of anyone who met in Tinder? What about other dating websites/apps?

being a girl in nyc: post seven.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

how to move on. {by jessi}

Moving on, and knowing when to move on. I believe this is one of the hardest parts about dating.

So what happens when you meet Mr.Right, and then he becomes Mr. Awful?

1. KNOW YOU SHOULD MOVE ON

This is the hardest part, in my opinion. Knowing to let go of things.

5 key signs that you know it is time to move on:
1. Your relationship brings more pain than joy. AKA – you are constantly stressed about the relationship, crying to friends, and having to make excuses for being upset.
2. He/She compares you constantly to others. Comparison to strangers, exes, anyone. He/She should be celebrating who you are. If they want to be with someone else, let them.
3. When he/she is causing emotional/verbal/physical abuse. RED ALERT!!!
4. When your fundamental beliefs and values are different. There is no excuse for this. I hear it from people all the time. However, when it comes to making major decisions – these are the things you will both turn to. If you don’t share the same values, it automatically makes things more complicated.
5. When neither of you feel the same way anymore. You have changed, and he/she has as well. If you can’t learn to grow together, and love the changes in one another. MOVE ON.

2. GO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS

Friends are the best cure for a sad heart/break-up. Allow your friends to remind you what makes you so special. Often times, our friends can notice great things about us that we can often dismiss. Allow your friends to help you see you! Also, they will hold you accountable to not call your ex.

3. GET RID OF EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF HIM/HER

I find it so strange when people keep notes and pictures from exes. Grieve and leave! You don’t need this stuff. Let it go. If it is something really nice, decide if you have an emotional attachment to it. If you do, then LET IT GO. No matter how nice the Louis Vuitton Bag looks on your arm – your sad crying face with it – is just not a good look.

4. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SINGLE

Don’t be a serial dater. It is not fair to you, or the next person you date. Allow yourself to cry and grieve the past relationship. Give yourself time to find your passions again. Have fun enjoying your hobbies, friends, and the unique things that make you, you! Don’t just find your identity in someone new. Figure out who you are, and who you want to be. Then down the road – meet someone that can’t wait to be with that person.

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How do you get over an ex?
Which of these do you agree with / anything to add?

how to make new girl friends.

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If you’re a regular reader of GML, you’ve probably noticed that I LOVE my girl friends. Obsessed with them, actually.

Since doing the being a girl in NYC series – and ever since I moved to New York, really – I’ve gotten a lot of requests for advice on making new friends. I wrote a post about making friends in New York that I think can be applicable to anyone, but here are some more (practical and mindset-shifting) tips that I think are really helpful for how to make new girl friends.

(With some minor tweaks, this is applicable to guys too!)

1) join some sort of group.

This is one of the easiest ways to meet likeminded people who probably want to make friends as well. Some ideas:

* a church / church group
* volunteer somewhere
* fitness classes
* other hobby classes (cooking, sewing, etc.)
* networking events in your industry

2) tag along with someone who has a big social circle.

I’m not saying to be a leech, but chances are that someone who has a large circle of friends will be more than willing to let you in. Be honest with them – say you’re looking to make new friends, and would love to join on the next group hangout.

3) start off with a compliment.

The most awkward part of making a new girl friend is just starting a conversation with them. I’ve found that simply complimenting other girls is the easiest way to break the ice and find a common thing for you to chat about. Not to mention I think girls should make it more of a point to compliment one another, but we’ll save that for another post :)

4) organize a girls’ night.

This is something I’ve learned from my best friend Jessi. From the moment I met her, she was the type of person that always created fun opportunities. Start a group text or email chain with a group of girls, and figure out a date that you can all go out to dinner, or have a night in of baking and pedicures. Most girls love these opportunities, so why not be the one who organizes them?

5) always give the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t be that girl that assumes all other girls are b*tches. Sure, there are some bad seeds out there, but I like to believe that most girls are nice if you give them the chance. For some reason, girls have been wired to automatically not like other girls (what is UP with that?), and I suggest going against that mentality as much as possible.

Practically speaking, giving a girl a compliment (as mentioned above) is actually a great way to gauge whether she’s friend-material or not. For example, if her response to “I love your shoes!” is “I know, right??” then…well, eh.

6) utilize social media.

I’ve met some amazing girls through social media and blogging – including my best friend Monica. Millions of people are finding dates online these days, so why not use the Internet to find friends? If it feels too weird for you, start by “friending” or following someone who you have mutual friends with. And…it’s 2013, so get over thinking it’s weird!

7) you have to take the initiative.

I think that this is what it all boils down to. When it comes to making new friends…it’s a mindset that you just have to have. Stop hoping that someone will notice you sitting all alone and reach out to you. I’ve tried that before, and it rarely works. Sorry I’m not sorry for the tough love, but the truth is that YOU are the one responsible when it comes to making new friends. So put yourself out there, will ya?

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Which of these do you agree with most? Disagree?
Have anything to add?