You know what I’ve never really understood? When people say something along the lines of, “I live without regrets,” or, “I don’t regret anything because it has made me who I am.”
You know what? I’m only 23 years old, and I can honestly say that there are plenty of things I regret. For example:
- Opting out of immediately going to my original college-of-choice and instead going to community college for 2 years.
- How I handled certain situations with some friendships/relationships.
- Doing things or acting in a way that was out of character for me.
Okay, that’s too much vagueness to get anywhere. But I think you know what I mean.
I can’t help but think that the concept of not allowing oneself to have regrets is harmful. Why? Because you may be more likely to do those things that you (should) regret. That’s the case for me, at least.
With that being said, I’m not going to bask in my past mistakes for the rest of my life. Instead, this is how I think regret should be handled. (Mind you – I must admit that I’m sort of teaching myself a lesson right now.)
1. Feel it.
If you experience regret – whether it was a situation that was out of your control or not – acknowledge how it has made you feel. Are you angry? Upset? With whom? Pretending like a situation never happened isn’t going to teach you anything, but it will leave you with bottled up emotions.
2. Repent.
Not all mistakes or regrets involve wrong-doing. But in my life, the majority of regrets I have in life are ones where I blatantly sinned. Whether you “believe” in sin or not, we all have a moral compass; we all inherently know when something we’ve done was wrong. I will be the first to admit that I’ve done some pretty crappy things in my short lifetime. Sure, they might have been no big deal according to some people’s standards, but they are things that I know were wrong for me. In these cases, the very first thing I do is acknowledge that I screwed up, and repent to God. How blessed I am to have such a forgiving, merciful God!
3. Apologize.
Has a past mistake that you’ve made caused any sort of effect on someone else? Think about it. You may not have had bad intentions, but our actions can affect others more than we tend to realize. Giving an apology where it’s due is key when it comes to moving on from a particular regret.
4. Accept.
It’s difficult to think about a past regret without thinking, “I wish I didn’t do that!!” or “I wish I DID do that!!” But, as obvious as this is, you cannot go back and change it. You must be be able to accept the fact that the past is the past! Sure, maybe things would’ve worked out better if you made a different decision, but thinking about that is a waste of time. Let me note that accepting a regret does not necessarily make it okay.
5. Learn.
This is sort of a no-brainer. If we ignore the mistakes we’ve made, we’re never going to learn how to do things differently in the future. So, instead of accepting the commonly-held belief of: “I have no regrets because they made me who I am today,” my personal view is, “I DO have regrets. Yes, they made me who I am today, but they still sucked. And I never, ever want to make those mistakes again.” See the difference?
- How do you deal with regret?
- Is there anything in particular that you regret lately?
I think dealing with it is so important - using the exact things you mentioned, especially apologize! That has never been my strong suit. But after that, I think it is okay and good to move on, hopfully with a lesson learned!
Great post, I think accepting and learning from it are key. If you let it pester inside of you, you’ll never have closure.
This is so true! There are PLENTY of things in my life I regret. It’s so important to learn from those things and definitely to repend and apologize if they’ve hurt others.
Such a great post girl.
This is SO important.
and its so important to realize/accept that God forgives and washes us clean. yes, satan will try to attack you, but God is SO MUCH BIGGER!! He makes good come of every bad thing you have done or anything you regret. Must look forward, never back!
Great post Gracie! I really agree with you here. I’m 28 now but I made a lot of bad decisions 8-10 years ago. I have worked though the aftermath (great 5 steps you listed above!) and I think you have a realistic approach to this topic. I can’t wait to meet you at HLS! Surely we won’t regret that.
I think #2 and #3 are especially important, particularly if the regret is based on an actual sin or wrong-doing. You’ve gotta CONFESS before you can move forward!
I’ve definitely done some things I regret in my past as well, but I’ve learned that ruminating over them solves nothing. I love my life right now, and every mistake I’ve made has brought me to this place. I’m thankful to God for the chances he’s given me
Lately I’ve been regretting how things ended with a friend this spring. She hurt me very badly, and rather than talk about it, we both shut off and haven’t talked since an explosive fight. I wish I’d just been the bigger person, instead of participating in the silent treatment.
I deal with regret a lot. I just try to look forward, because thats the way I’m going!
I am one of those people who lives with little regret, usually just because once I start thinking of something I regret, I think of what wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t done it. So, staying in my hometown for college. I wouldn’t have met most of my closest friends, I wouldn’t have moved with one of them to NC, and I wouldn’t have met my boyfriend. I don’t regret staying in 2 bad relationships because now I know what I will and will not tolerate, and I think they made me stronger as a woman.
There is one thing, one time I was really mean to someone I care about a lot. She probably doesn’t even remember but I felt bad even when I was doing it, she cried and was devastated because of me being mean. Nothing good came from that, and that is the one thing I regret with all my heart.
Great tips Gracie! And I wish there was a better word than regret because if you’ve recognized it and are learning from it, there should be a far more positive term.
My most immediate regret is eating at a restaurant on Monday night that gave me horrid food poisoning. Not very deep I know, but that’s clearly still on my mind (and in my tummy
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I am one of those people who says they live without regret, but that’s not to say I don’t ever feel regret for a short time. There are plenty of times I’ve done something and shortly after thought to myself, “oh, I SO regret that, I wish I wouldn’t have done that.” But I think like you’ve pointed out above, I’ve learned to accept it, apologize if needed, and move on. A lot of decisions I’ve regretted in the past (staying with a bf long after I knew it was bad, changing colleges, not taking chances, getting too drunk - lol) I am now happy for because I would not be where I am or who I am without many of them. So I guess I can say I do occassionally feel regret, I just let it go and move on quickly. It’s too stressful to dwell on regret and wonder “what if” all the time!
I can’t imagine living without regrets. There are a ton of things I regret doing and ones I regret not doing. The only way to move on is to realize you can’t change the past.
I have felt regret with situations, but as I constantly reiterate on my blog, I will NEVER regret food. I know you’re talking about bigger things here, but so many women actually DO regret food and it’s a terrible, terrible thing. Your points are great, too.
great post! For the most part, I try to make decisions that won’t leave me with regret. This doesn’t always happen though
I usually deal with regret by coming clean, apologizing, and/or learning from it.
Hmmm. I definitely regret letting my emotions get the best of me lately.
Awesome post! All of your steps are so great in learning, growing, and moving past regret. I don’t like using the word regret because I feel like it has a negative connotation, which is why I’m one of those “no regrets” people. That’s not to say that I don’t accept the situation for what it is and go through all of the steps you outlined (which I love and agree wholeheartedly with!). I always felt like saying you “regret” something meant that you did not forgive yourself for it, but you’ve given me another view to think about!
I am one to say that I have no regrets. When saying that I am referring to my life as a whole. I have been in some horrible and dangerous situations but I know if I were put back there, I would do the same thing again. I am stronger and less naive now. I don’t regret that. I look for positives in outcome to prevent regret of the situation or event as a whole.
I sort of disagree with you on this point. I feel like you don’t have to necessarily regret past actions, good or bad, as long as you learn from them. Even our mistakes make us who we are.
Fabulous post, girl!
I think the same thing when I hear people say “I don’t regret anything”. I, personally, regret plenty in my life, but like you, am not dwelling on it everyday (or try not to) and instead cast myself into the endless mercy of God. When I say I “regret” something, depending on what it was, I usually mean I am sorry for doing (or not doing) said thing. I think it is good to be sorry for things we know we should/should not have done and to learn from it. The learning from it is what makes people “who I am today”:)
Lately, I regret not getting up at 5:30 a.m. when my alarm goes off. I’ve missed getting my cardio in *first thing* every single day this week and then I have to shift around my schedule to get my workout in later and that is annoying HA! My goal is to get plenty of sleep in the next few days to get back into my routine and get cardio over with first thing in the morning!
This is great! I truly believe that everyone has regrets! Everyone! And if they say they don’t they’re lying! haha!
Apologize, that’s a smart one that not enough people do because of their pride.
I think you can also sit on something so long before you really have to mentally strengthen yourself to not focus on negativity and what-ifs. If it were only that easy.
I definitely agree with you that I don’t understand people who can say “I don’t regret anything”. I regret plenty of things in my life, but the important thing is that I learn from them!
But I do think it’s possible to try to live without regrets by trying to not make the bad choices in the first place. A lot of the things I regret are situations where I opt out of something because I’m too scared of leaving my comfort zone. So I’m trying to say “yes” to those opportunities so that I can live with less regrets!
I was VERY promiscuous for about 6 months my senior of college during a big low in my depression. I most definitely regret everything about that. BUT I don’t linger on it anymore, because of many of the steps you mentioned. And I think understanding God’s love for me helped a ton too.
This is phenomenal, Gracie! A lot to chew on, and I think I needed it. The one thing in life that I’m absolutely terrified of is waking up one day and realizing I missed out on all the experiences I could have had - that really motivates me to get out there and DO. I have done some things that seem to have crossed the line, but in reality, I feel like they’re more experiences to grow from and learn from.
[...] to regret or not to regret? [...]
Ummmmm I heart to-do lists!
hey, I’m trying to make the decision right now of whether to go straight to university or hit up community college first to get my basics. You say you regret not going to community college first. Do you mind me asking why that is??
great post!! accepting can sometimes be the hardest part!!
Hello there - quick question where so you buy or what brand are the flavored almonds u enjoy?
Thanks
#4 - I one the that I recently have learned how to deal with.
Great Post!
I definitely have regrets, and I think that everyone does, no matter what they say. I also think that everything happens for a reason and that every single thing that we do or that happens to us has a greater purpose, whether it seems small or not. Regretful decisions are a huge part of that and teach us for the future.
[...] to regret or not to regret? Categories [...]
“once I start thinking of something I regret, I think of what wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t done it.” <— that’s so very true. I should add that to this post!! I feel the same way about 99% of my regrets. However, there are still some where I’m waiting to see what good could possibly come out of them!
“Even our mistakes make us who we are.” <— very much agreed. I guess I just feel like sometimes people use “oh well, I’ll just learn from it” as an excuse to do things they probably shouldn’t (not saying that’s what you mean!). But even then - that’s them! And I’ve just found that these are the best ways for me to overcome feeling regretful.
Hi!! Well, I definitely believe that going to community college is a great option for many people - especially a) if you want to save money and b) you aren’t sure what you want to study. I went to community college for all the wrong reasons, though (pretty much because I had just met my then-boyfriend and wanted to stay home with him and my high school friends).
In retrospect, I wish I would have the “real” college experience for all 4 years, rather than just 2. I also think that if I went to my original college of choice from the get-go, I would’ve had more time to study abroad, which I always really wanted to do but never got the chance.
So, that’s where I stand! Good luck with whatever you decide
I usually buy Blue Diamond almonds, which are found at most grocery stores! I also eat Emerald brand, which are also available just about everywhere
p.s. Both Blue Diamond and Emerald have flavored almonds!!
oh sweet, thank you! I definetly want to study abroad if I can afford it, I didn’t even think about how community college would affect that.