If you’re a regular reader of GML, you’ve probably noticed that I LOVE my girl friends. Obsessed with them, actually.
Since doing the being a girl in NYC series – and ever since I moved to New York, really – I’ve gotten a lot of requests for advice on making new friends. I wrote a post about making friends in New York that I think can be applicable to anyone, but here are some more (practical and mindset-shifting) tips that I think are really helpful for how to make new girl friends.
(With some minor tweaks, this is applicable to guys too!)
1) join some sort of group.
This is one of the easiest ways to meet likeminded people who probably want to make friends as well. Some ideas:
* a church / church group
* volunteer somewhere
* fitness classes
* other hobby classes (cooking, sewing, etc.)
* networking events in your industry
2) tag along with someone who has a big social circle.
I’m not saying to be a leech, but chances are that someone who has a large circle of friends will be more than willing to let you in. Be honest with them – say you’re looking to make new friends, and would love to join on the next group hangout.
3) start off with a compliment.
The most awkward part of making a new girl friend is just starting a conversation with them. I’ve found that simply complimenting other girls is the easiest way to break the ice and find a common thing for you to chat about. Not to mention I think girls should make it more of a point to compliment one another, but we’ll save that for another post 🙂
4) organize a girls’ night.
This is something I’ve learned from my best friend Jessi. From the moment I met her, she was the type of person that always created fun opportunities. Start a group text or email chain with a group of girls, and figure out a date that you can all go out to dinner, or have a night in of baking and pedicures. Most girls love these opportunities, so why not be the one who organizes them?
5) always give the benefit of the doubt.
Don’t be that girl that assumes all other girls are b*tches. Sure, there are some bad seeds out there, but I like to believe that most girls are nice if you give them the chance. For some reason, girls have been wired to automatically not like other girls (what is UP with that?), and I suggest going against that mentality as much as possible.
Practically speaking, giving a girl a compliment (as mentioned above) is actually a great way to gauge whether she’s friend-material or not. For example, if her response to “I love your shoes!” is “I know, right??” then…well, eh.
6) utilize social media.
I’ve met some amazing girls through social media and blogging – including my best friend Monica. Millions of people are finding dates online these days, so why not use the Internet to find friends? If it feels too weird for you, start by “friending” or following someone who you have mutual friends with. And…it’s 2013, so get over thinking it’s weird!
7) you have to take the initiative.
I think that this is what it all boils down to. When it comes to making new friends…it’s a mindset that you just have to have. Stop hoping that someone will notice you sitting all alone and reach out to you. I’ve tried that before, and it rarely works. Sorry I’m not sorry for the tough love, but the truth is that YOU are the one responsible when it comes to making new friends. So put yourself out there, will ya?
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Which of these do you agree with most? Disagree?
Have anything to add?
I love all of these tips! Blogging is a great way to make new friends!
I definitely agree on your advice about giving compliments. If you are being sincere with what you say that is ; ) I actually made several friends in college by using this.
I love the idea of being able to make friends across the country and world through blogging. That is my new goal at the moment.
Love this post! Love the last thing you said in point #3 too 😉
I definitely agree with starting a conversation with a compliment but it HAS to be genuine. Even if you have to wait a few times seeing the girl, you have to be 100% truthful when you say you like her shoes. If you don’t like them, don’t say it just to spark conversation. Lol
Agree! Love this, I especially like the giving someone the benefit of the doubt tip:)
Love this! It’s definitely more challenging to make friends once you’ve left the high school/college bubble, but I’ve made several awesome girl friends in the past few years- one in particular that I know I’ll be friends with forever.
One thing to add- be receptive if you sense another girl trying to befriend you! I think we’ve all been on both sides of the situation, and while it’s always tempting to pair off with your good friends, it takes courage to approach a new group of girls. Make potential new friends feel welcome, even if in that moment you’d rather have a private conversation with your BFFs.
YES - that’s a great addition. Really important to be aware of others seeking new friends!
Great post! Making new friends when moving to a new city is SO hard! When I went to one of my first industry parties after I moved to NYC, I invited friends, as I had a +1, but no one could make it (I also didn’t have really great friends!) So, I tried to take initiative and talked to the one girl hanging out by herself…and struck out, because she was actually there as a press person and had no interest in speaking with me.
In that case, sitting solo did make me some good connections later in the night. I would say being a “yes” girl is also a good mentality to have - if someone asks if you want to sit with them or go out for dinner or a drink after, say yes! It’s a great way to make new friends.
this is awesome, I am glad we are bff
This is so true! I’ve also learned that something as simple as a smile can go a long way! Great post, Gracie! 🙂
Making new friends (especially in cities like LA & NY) can be so, so difficult. I’ve found that I just have a hard time knowing who I can trust and open up to. But it’s worth every ounce of effort- nothing compares to having good girlfriends.
Love all of these tips. (:
Finding new friends after moving or - in my current case - when being one of the only ones left in a city after all others moved post-graduation can be hard.
Fully agreed on giving the benefit of doubt. I can’t even recall all times I judged others too early when they actually ended up becoming good friends.
One thing I might add is not to be discouraged when things don’t turn out as expected. I’m still working on this myself.
Thanks for sharing these tips!
So true about not letting yourself get discouraged, sometimes making new friends can take time!
this post is SO great, and just what I have been praying about. The Lord is so good and graceful. Making friends with girls has always been harder for me, but I value them so much. It’s a relationship you can’t get with guy friends!
This is such great advice! I’m almost 5 months in to living in NYC and it’s definitely been a challenge making new friends in general. I found that the key is to be open, friendly, and BRAVE enough to attend events solo. So many people are looking to meet and greet, you just need to take the initiative.
Jelly says
Thank you so much for your suggestions! I often get compliments on something I am wearing, usually I reply with a “thank you” and a smile however, I would like to use this as an opportunity to many even make new friends. Do you have any suggestions on how I could reply?
Yup! Mention where you got it 🙂 Or that it’s really comfortable, something like that!
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