This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.
how to move on. {by jessi}
Moving on, and knowing when to move on. I believe this is one of the hardest parts about dating.
So what happens when you meet Mr.Right, and then he becomes Mr. Awful?
1. KNOW YOU SHOULD MOVE ON
This is the hardest part, in my opinion. Knowing to let go of things.
5 key signs that you know it is time to move on:
1. Your relationship brings more pain than joy. AKA – you are constantly stressed about the relationship, crying to friends, and having to make excuses for being upset.
2. He/She compares you constantly to others. Comparison to strangers, exes, anyone. He/She should be celebrating who you are. If they want to be with someone else, let them.
3. When he/she is causing emotional/verbal/physical abuse. RED ALERT!!!
4. When your fundamental beliefs and values are different. There is no excuse for this. I hear it from people all the time. However, when it comes to making major decisions – these are the things you will both turn to. If you don’t share the same values, it automatically makes things more complicated.
5. When neither of you feel the same way anymore. You have changed, and he/she has as well. If you can’t learn to grow together, and love the changes in one another. MOVE ON.
2. GO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS
Friends are the best cure for a sad heart/break-up. Allow your friends to remind you what makes you so special. Often times, our friends can notice great things about us that we can often dismiss. Allow your friends to help you see you! Also, they will hold you accountable to not call your ex.
3. GET RID OF EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF HIM/HER
I find it so strange when people keep notes and pictures from exes. Grieve and leave! You don’t need this stuff. Let it go. If it is something really nice, decide if you have an emotional attachment to it. If you do, then LET IT GO. No matter how nice the Louis Vuitton Bag looks on your arm – your sad crying face with it – is just not a good look.
4. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SINGLE
Don’t be a serial dater. It is not fair to you, or the next person you date. Allow yourself to cry and grieve the past relationship. Give yourself time to find your passions again. Have fun enjoying your hobbies, friends, and the unique things that make you, you! Don’t just find your identity in someone new. Figure out who you are, and who you want to be. Then down the road – meet someone that can’t wait to be with that person.
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How do you get over an ex?
Which of these do you agree with / anything to add?
Agree with you on all of these! And I am a firm believer that you can’t be “friends” with an ex. After being in a serious relationship, it was not healthy for me, emotionally and spiritually, to continue to hang out, text, grab coffee with, my ex boyfriend. I have found the best way to truly move on is to remove that person from my life… not necessarily forever but for a long time. It keeps me from falling into old habits. Hanging out with an ex can feel familiar, comfortable, like home, but doesn’t mean that it is doing me any good in the “moving on” department.
I’ve never understood the keeping a “boy box” thing either. Why would I want a bunch of stuff that my old high school boyfriends gave me?
yea
Raychel says
Preach. I agree with it all and it can even apply to some friendships that we need to move on from.
#3 is SO IMPORTANT! And I recommend getting rid of everything in one dramatic, fell swoop. Burn it, break it, chuck it full force into a dumpster. A physical act allows you to get out all your sad/angry emotions, and you feel so #girlpower afterwards.
Unfriending them or at least blocking them from my news feed is a big one for me as well. Less temptation to stalk, which allows you to move on so much less painfully.
ivette says
yeah/…I need to put this into practice..thanks for the post!