This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.
on passion and chemistry.
Back when I wrote the post on the myths and truths behind Christian dating, I realized how important this particular topic is to me. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard and seen settle in to relationships because “it’s the right thing to do” or just because “he’s a great Christian man.”
Well, that’s all well and good…but what about being madly, truly, passionately in love with someone? Just because that’s the aspect of love often depicted in fairy tales, that doesn’t mean that it’s not real. And it certainly doesn’t mean that it’s not important.
Here are some of my thoughts on passion and chemistry in a relationship.
Sometimes chemistry occurs instantly between two people. Some Christians see this as being a negative thing because it’s “just too fast” and “can’t be healthy.” I don’t fully agree with that. I firmly believe in and have experienced having an instant connection with someone, and I’ll be honest – it’s pretty great. If you’re being wise and using discernment, timing and speed can become irrelevant. With that being said, though, it really is important to make sure you don’t let that chemistry overshadow other important aspects of being in a relationship, like the things you put on your “must have” and “can’t stand” lists.
Other times, it can take some time to grow. And that’s okay too. I personally think that’s why it’s so important to give people the chance at least 2-3 dates. I’ve been on dates with guys where I was “so-so” at first, but by the third date I realized I did in fact really like him. A lot of times the strongest connection between two people is one that is discovered slowly.
Passion and chemistry – to us – is a “must have.” Whether it’s instant or grows over time, it just HAS to be there. We see passion and chemistry as one of the things that acts as glue in a relationship. When issues come and go, there is the common bond of intimacy on a different level that nothing can tear apart.
…but it’s not the only thing. Like I said before, focusing on having a relationship with only passion (and no communication, trust, etc.) can be the foundation for an extremely unhealthy and unfulfilling relationship.
You might be thinking, “but I’ve heard that passion fades, so why is it that important?”
Honestly, I don’t believe that to be true. Yes – love and passion does change and evolve over time. I’m no expert, but I am surrounded by many couples that have been married for 10, 20, 40 years (including my own parents), and they have proven that it is possible to keep the passion there long-term. In fact, most of those couple are even more passionately in love when they were in their honeymoon phase.
Lastly, I believe that God wants us to experience Eros love with another human being, as depicted in the book of Song of Solomon. The partnership between a man and woman is meant to symbolize the covenant relationship between Christ and His bride (the church), and I believe that that love is supposed to feel stronger than a friendship, and deeper than it being “the right thing.” God is purposeful and intentional, so I believe He created passion and chemistry for a reason.
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What are your thoughts on passion and chemistry within a relationship? Is it a “must have” for you?
What an awesome post. I wish I would have read more on this topic before I started out 😉 A lot of us can probably say that. I agree with all you have written!!! And I have been married 23.5 years, raised five boys, youngest is 19. With that said I married unequally yoked is the biblical term. I married at 19. I wish I could tell you it was easy but it was not. As you discuss, I allowed love/chemistry to rule. Fast forward to now and I still love him dearly but we have had many bumps and turns to overcome. He is now a Christian too =) I contribute our faith 100% of why we are still together.
Thanks for sharing a bit of your story, Susan! 23.5 years and 5 boys…that’s amazing
it must’ve been fun being the only female in the house, haha!
My sisters all have very unique love stories, two of which apply to this post. One sister was friends with her husband for five years first. They never even officially dated, but one day they just decided that was that. They got engaged and left to get married in Vegas 2 days later. They have been married 4 years now and are about to welcome their second son any day now.
My other sister met her husband in February 2012, got engaged in March, married in May, and had their first baby 11 months later. Theirs was a total whirlwind courtship, but they are so in sync regarding EVERYTHING (Jesus, politics, veganism), it’s like they genuinely were created for each other.
My final sister’s love story doesn’t necessarily apply to this, but it is a good one so I’ll say it anyway
They have known each other their entire lives (school and church) and started “dating” when he was 14 and she was 16. They were together 8 years before marrying at the ripe old ages of 22 and 24. Now, after a total of 16 years together, they have a beautiful little girl and are expecting their second.
It is amazing what can happen when you open your heart to love, however it comes to you.
Thanks for sharing, Rebecca! Your sisters’ stories really go to show how everyone’s story is different. Love that
these posts are so interesting! i love them!! my Church is hosting a weekend seminar on Sex in Christianity in a few weeks and I’m super excited about it
so im stuck in a situation and i dont know what to do.. well mainly my problem i think is that i dont want to hurt anyone and i dont want to make the wrong decision.
so the story is that theres this guy (well 2 guys actually) and one guy i wrote him a little letter basically saying that i had a crush on him and so he told my friend that hes starting to like me. well a couple days after i did that my bestfriend jesse introduces me to one of his friends and we all hung out and after that ive been talking, texting, facetiming the guy like everyday. and ive grown to have some sort of interest in him. the feelings are mutual but now i feel stuck because theres these two guys im torn between too. but the guy that i gave the note too i hardly talk to him, im getting to know this other guy on a more intimate level, i just dont know what to do. i dnt want to hurt anyone of them but i know some one has to get hurt. but i dont want to make the wrong decision either. ugh can you give me some sort of advice? im not crazy right? lol
Hey Ashley!
Wow…that is a sticky situation you’re in! I can’t tell you exactly what you should/shouldn’t do, but I will say from reading your comment that I think you *know* what you should/want to do. I think the best way you can approach the situation is to just be completely honest with everyone involved. That’s really all you can do at this point, otherwise it might turn into a bigger situation than it has to be. But no, you’re not crazy 😉 Good luck with this!!
Thank you so much.. Yea you’re right I think I do know what I should/ want to do. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone other than myself. I will take this advice and run with it:) thank you so much for the awesome advice. ! Btw I love your blogs I barely discovered this site today and I literally spent all my time in the library reading them all. Love it.