being a girl in nyc: post two.

This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

On Self Awareness

Last year, Jessi and I both read “Date or Soul Mate?” by Neil Clark Warren. Despite the ridiculously cheesy title, it was a really helpful and insightful book. What made it different and more helpful than other dating books is that instead of just offering advice and prescriptions for dating, it had you first look inward by asking questions about yourself in order to determine what it is you actually need and want out of a relationship.

The point of being self aware before dating or entering into a relationship (or even in friendships) is that you must first know yourself as much as possible before partnering with another person. According to the book, the most successful relationships are ones where two people working towards personal wholeness come together, rather than two people looking to fulfill some sort of void.

Not to mention that the more you know yourself and are confident in who you are, you’ll more quickly be able to tell if someone would be a good match for you.

I highly suggest reading the book an answering the questions for yourself (including the “must-haves” and “can’t stands” list, which Jessi will address in a future post). But just to give you an idea, here are some of the self-awareness questions that the book suggests answering about yourself.

1) Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
2) What is it like being you? More precisely, how do you feel about yourself – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?
3) What is the most important thing in the world to you?
4) If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
5) What is the role of God in your life?
6) Do you think of yourself as an emotionally healthy person? In what ways are you especially healthy, and in what ways could you use improvement?

For me, answering those questions really changed the way I think about relationships in general. I realized that not only do I want to be confident and secure in who I am, but that I want to be surrounded by people who are of themselves as well. It’s not that we have to have it all figured out, but I think that at least a basic level of self awareness is crucial before being in meaningful relationships with other people.

Do you consider yourself to be self aware? Which of those questions do you think is the most insightful?