This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.
The Myths and Truths of Christian Dating
Dating can be difficult enough on its own, but a lot of times Christian dating can be even more confusing. Unfortunately God doesn’t lay out blue prints in the Bible of who, where, when, and how we should date. Because of that, there are countless myths out there about what Christian dating should or shouldn’t look like. Here are some of the common ideas about Christian dating that Jessi and I think are incorrect, and what we believe is the real truth behind them.
MYTH: There is only one person meant just for you.
TRUTH: First of all, this isn’t anywhere in the Bible. Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely believe that God knows ours needs and desires (more than we know our own) and that He knows the perfect person we will ultimately end up with. But if there was only one single person for everyone, then wouldn’t that mean the whole order of the universe was thrown off the moment two wrong people got together? Like I said – God does know the perfect person we’ll end up with, but I think it’s important to remember that timing, disposition, and each person’s free will is part of what determines who that is.
MYTH: Christians should just hang out as friends because real dates are too serious.
TRUTH: I think this is one of the main things that makes Christian dating so confusing. Guys are somehow under the impression that taking a girl on a date is leading them on, so they organize a less serious “hang out” if they’re interested. The problem with that, though, is that it makes intentions unclear. Here’s the thing about dating – whether you’re a Christian or not, a lot of times it just doesn’t work out. And that’s okay. It’s better to at least make your intentions known and have everything out on the table. It’s not a sin if it doesn’t end in a relationship or marriage! Not to mention that Christian girls are still girls. We all love to feel desired and be pursued in the way we deserve.
MYTH: Having the same faith is the most important thing in a relationship – everything else will work itself out around that.
TRUTH: Yes – sharing the same faith is crucial – and not just because the Bible says so. Being on the same page with your beliefs affects every other aspect of a relationship. With that being said, though, sharing the same faith doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to click with someone emotionally, physically, intellectually, or even on a spiritual level. You wouldn’t choose a best friend just because you’re both Christians, so why would you do that with a potential mate?
MYTH: Dating a Christian means you won’t encounter any relationship problems.
TRUTH: This is similar to the last myth. Just because you’re dating a Christian, it doesn’t mean that everything is going to be rainbows and angels singing in the background at all times. All relationships require at least some sort of work to successfully grow and become healthier, and you’re setting yourself up for failure if you don’t realize that. Choosing the right person with the same faith is only the very beginning of the journey.
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What are some myths about (Christian) dating you have believed?
Which of these myths or truths do you agree/disagree with the most?
Dj Brian B says
Gracie, you couldn’t be more spot on here!! Great post!
Thanks Brian!!
Danielle says
You go - excellent post!!
If anyone believes number 4 in ANY relationship, they’re going to be in for a serious reality check. There are no two people who can get along perfectly without any disagreements.
I think a big myth is ‘because you’re a Christian-resisting sex before marriage while dating is a piece of cake.’ As in Christians that date each other don’t struggle with the sexual aspects of their relationships.
Unfortunately this doesn’t get talked about a lot because I think there are a lot of conflicting thoughts around the issue and that ppl are embarrassed or ashamed to speak of it. However, I think more dialogue around the issue (what ppl struggle with, how they constructively deal with it) could be freeing for a lot of ppl
Yes, that’s so true Shavanna!
Do you think you all will talk about this in your connect?
Yes, I’ll probably bring it up as a question for the group.
Are you free tomorrow evening? I can put you down as a guest if you want to attend
would love to have you! shoot me an email if so!
Love this - especially the first myth you busted. I think its weirdly freeing to know that there isn’t just one person meant for you - you can’t mess it up that way
Meredith says
Something I never learned about until college was how to let a boy pursue me and to not accept boys who aren’t being intentional or making their intentions clear.
Can you talk about how you interact (or flirt or whatever you want to call it) with guys in a Godly way. I know you are probably just yourself, but how much do you let yourself get close to them while it’s platonic?
Hey Meredith!
For me, I think you should only allow yourself to get close to a guy based on how he sets the tone of the relationship, whether it’s platonic or romantic. That’s not to say that girls should just go along with whatever the guy thinks/does - as girls we’re responsible for showing guys how we want to be treated (and that starts with how much we value ourselves). I personally think it’s the guy’s responsibility to make his intentions known, and girls then have the opportunity to respond to that initiative. Not everyone may agree with that, but that’s my two cents!
I wholeheartedly agree with the last point you made. I learned this lesson the hard way. I went to a Christian high school, dated the student worship leader, and went to a Bible college with him. 5 years later I’m in weekly therapy and on anxiety meds with a personal protection order because he was extremely abusive. It’s the one thing I wish I could teach young girls, to be mindful about who the person is and how he is treating you. What I went through was horrible and I wish for no one else to go through it.
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that Beth. I know this is easier said than done, but I can’t help but think you’ll be able to help so many girls through your story!
I love that you are exploring these myths. I think the last one is spot on. I think it’s easy to believe in the giddiness of being a newlywed that it will be like that forever-just perfect and free of conflict. But that’s not the case. You are both human, and there’s bound to be conflict…but getting through those conflicts make you a stronger couple!
This is so good. Wish the boys had a single-in-the city group.
Love this post - can’t wait to hear how the group went last week! So excited for tomorrows group and to hear about that too! Excited to be here for next week!!! Miss u