Hello there, friends! Today’s post is one that has been sitting around as a draft for weeks now. I didn’t think I’d ever post it because it’s arguably boring different from the norm. But, lately the “academic” in me has been looking for an outlet, and what better way to do that than by using my own blog? So here are some of my many thoughts on my study of choice - communication.
That’s right - I have a B.A. in Communication Studies. And, you know, I like to think that I’m a pretty good communicator. I mean, I did study it for four years, so I hope at least some of that paid off…
My frustration comes in, though, when I realize that the majority of people are never really taught how to communicate effectively. Sure, we learn proper grammar and the fundamentals of nonverbal communication, but most of our communication skills are learned through experience, observing others, or – and this is what I think is most often the case – through our own perception of reality.
Sorry, I think I got a bit too heady too quickly there. Let me explain.
I’ll never forget that particular concept – one that was passed from a family-friend psychiatrist, to my mom, to me – that every person has his or her own perception of reality. Some of ours are more similar than others, and some couldn’t be more entirely different. You know, like how we all have those friends or people in our lives that we enjoy spending time with because they “get it?” I truly believe that that goes deeper than beliefs, values, etc. and really is more a matter of one’s perception of…well, everything. I guess the closest thing you can compare it to is what each of us consider to be common sense.
So what does that have to do with communicating? And, how did Miss Simplicity (me) become Miss So-Very-Complicated? Well, the point I’m getting at is that to me, the most important aspect of communication is simply being aware of the fact that most of us think and communicate in different ways. When you begin to interact with that in mind, I think you’ll find that other lessons in communication (i.e. how to form an argument, how to listen properly, etc.) come more easily than you thought they would.
I used to think that some people were just naturally better communicators than others. And, I guess I still believe that to be at least somewhat true. But, I also think that the “secret” to having communication come naturally all comes down to one’s particular level of awareness in certain social situations. In other words, how aware you are of a particular context and the other person/people you’re interacting with, the more you’ll be able to appropriately communicate in a way that they understand. But, without that awareness, chances are you’re not going to suddenly know exactly what to say and how to say it. That might actually seem like a pretty basic concept – you know, think before you speak – but it’s one that not many people seem to practice.
Still with me?
So yes, I could write post after post about “how to listen better” or “how to solve conflict” (and heck, maybe I will one of these days), but those lessons will only get you so far. Becoming a better communicator, in my opinion, lies primarily in being open to being a better communicator and aware of the ridiculous level of importance it holds in our lives.
Consider how others think rather than how you think.
Consider how others feel rather than how you feel.
Try to choose your words in a way that will make sense to others rather than rashly trying to get your point across.
Know that there is a very broad spectrum of perceptions of reality out there, and most are going to be different than yours.
No - you’re not going to please everyone, and yes - misunderstandings are still going to happen. But, that’s one of the reasons communication is such an interesting concept and area of study! It’s a lifelong lesson – one that requires investing in relationships.
And, at the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all about?
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Do you know what I mean by referring to people who we think “get it?”
What would you say is the number one rule of communication?
Great start to my day! Thanks Gracie
Wow heavy post but I like it
! Being a good communicator is definitely a 2-way street….you gotta be able to listen as well as you speak! Communication is also about putting forth your information in a way that the other person can understand and hopefully relate to. Whether it’s language, choice of words chosen, tone, speed of speech, accent, etc these all impact how your information is communicated and interpreted.
I have my degree in Comm. Studies too, so I know where you’re coming from
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I like this and it really made me think about ways I can improve my communication skills. Thanks
This post made my head hurt a little haha. I had to read it a few times to get it, but yes, I agree- it’s why so many close friends are so similar when it comes to the way they communicate. I try to put myself in others’ shoes, but it can be kind of hard for a chatty cathy like me who just assumes that everyone loves to talk as much as I do…
Well my #1 rule of communication is probably EYE CONTACT. Ugh, I hate it when people have wandering eyes when I’m talking.
Great post! ‘m a comm. major, too and felt like I learned some very valuable lessons throughout the course of earning my degree.
AMEN TO EYE CONTACT.
This is a really great post! I think people talk past each other all the time and don’t really make an effort to listen to what the other person is saying or try to understand what they mean.
I think the number one rule of communication is to really LISTEN when others are speaking. A lot of people *think* they’re listening but really they are thinking of what they are about to say & waiting for the person to stop speaking so they can get their point across. <- make sense?
I like this post a lot!
Love this post Gracie! I’ll be in my last year of undergrad in the fall and I am a COMM major. I really think the ability to communicate is an underrated skill. I think my number 1 rule in regards to communicating is be honest, upfront and try to relate to the person your speaking with.
As a junior in college and a Com major, thank you for this post. I found it really insightful. I think you voiced things a lot of people intuitively sense without being able to define-and defining it is essential because without that understanding, we really can’t grow in our sensitivity to and awareness of others. So yeah. All that to say, thanks for the very thought-provoking post.
Thank YOU for this kind comment, Keely! Com majors unite
haha. xoxo G
As a fellow Communication Studies major, I completely agree with what you are saying. Realizing that your view of reality may not be the same as those around you is so important…
And on top of this being a way to become a better communicator, it also shows how as Christians we can be Christ-like in our communication: “Consider how others think rather than how you think. Consider how others feel rather than how you feel.”
Keep putting others first, and always use your passion for communication to glorify God. Thanks for being an excellent example!
MEG!! Thanks so much for this comment
Dead-on about how communicating can reveal a lot about Christ in our lives…
Hope all is well! xoxo G
I have stumbled on your blog a few times and always am intrigued… and then I saw this post. As a fellow COM alum, I could not agree more! It’s also nice to write about integral theories in the field, and that it’s not just public speaking.
Alas and alack, I am not a communications major. I have a number of friends who are and claim it is the best (they are deceiving themselves of course, everyone knows history is the best.) Still communication is so vital. The way my brain works is that I think something, and then I pick it apart. I argue against it. I find the holes in the argument and try to account for them accordingly. This sometimes means I am long winded (aka NOW) and confusing. On the other hand, it means I have to consider other points of view and the responses my thought might inspire.
Does any of this make sense?
Probably not.
Anyway- I agree with you, basically.
Hannah, seems to me like you studied communication in a past life
haha. Thanks for the comment!
Hi! I’m new to the blogging world (just started one this weekend
). This totally made sense, and I completely agree! There are definitely people that get what I’m talking about more than others. I think one of the most important things to remember when communicating with others is to really listen to what they are saying. We are so apt to multitask in this day and age and people often forget to pay attention or they hear what the person is saying but more in an “in one ear, out the other” kind of way.
Hi Lindsay, welcome to the blogging world!!!
Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment. xoxo G
It’s so funny because sometimes I just overhear people talking in a restaurant and just by their speaking style I have the “they get it” moment where I’m like yeah, that’s totally someone who is on my level, but really… I think it is so important to take a step back and think about the situation you are in. I took a class at an old job about communication styles and their are like 4 main ones or something, but you just have to understand how other people communicate in order to be a good communicator, so you know how to repond to them. Great/interesting post!!!
yes I get what you mean by getting “it”. I think “it” should be alone in quotes. becasue sometimes you just cant put your finger on why you aren’t understanding each other. i have argued w/ my dad so many times over just him not getting “it”. so this post spoke to me. thank you. nice to know i’m not crazy and that everyone’s “its” are different, perhaps.
This was a great post. I think it’s so important to understand that not everyone has the same point of view as you. I also agree that communication goes both ways, you have to be able to listen as well as explain what you’re thinking/ perceive.
My #1 rule of communication is to just do it. I used to be hesitant to communicate unpleasant issues/feelings out of fear of upsetting people/causing problems until I realized that procrastination of communication just causes more problems. Another communication rule I try to follow in the workplace is to communicate via phone rather than email when a problem or situation arises. It’s hard, but I think it is often best to just pick up the phone and have a difficult conversation rather than to send an email and anxiously wait by your inbox. Hash it out on the phone and get things done!
SUCH a good point!!! So many people shy away from saying anything at all, which 9 times out of 10 makes certain situations so much more difficult than they need to be.
SO true! I think a good key to communication is in LISTENING instead of just talking.
I have to admit, I’m currently struggling with a situation where lack of communication is the issue. Communication goes both ways and is extremely difficult when only one wants participate. I completely agree with this post! I think we all need to learn how to communicate and listen better!
“Communication goes both ways and is extremely difficult when only one wants participate.” <— SO true. Communication skills can be taught to an extent, but it definitely requires *effort* from all participants! That’s why I personally need to surround myself with a similar view of communication (not necessarily the same means of communicating, but at least the same desire to!). Hope things work out for you, girl. xoxo G
Great post! People now a days struggle to communicate. I admit I am sometimes not the best I can be super sarcastic and honest. I do understand people who just get you and those seem to be the people you are with the most! I can stand in front of a crowd and give a speech or really get my point across to my boss etc. if I need to. I love public speaking which is a dying art most people are deathly afraid of it and don’t know how to get across what they need to. Communication is tough I admit my weakness is in relationships where I don’t say what is wrong… I know this an work on it, but it’s TOUGH! There are so many different styles that sometimes we just need to find the people that have a style that best suits us as individuals. Great food for thought as always!
Katie, I struggle with some of the same things!! One of the things I learned the most through my past relationship was to SPEAK UP when I’m upset/concerned about something. It definitely led to a lot of unnecessary conflict :/ But you live and you learn, right?! And it seems like you definitely *want* to communicate better, which is definitely a step in the right direction
Same major, same P.O.V. Random Rant: Clemson is more of an engineering type school, and I was be a rich son of a B if I had a penny for every time someone rolled their eyes at me when I told them my major. It wasn’t a cake walk folks!