being a girl in nyc: post one.

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This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Jessi and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

The Myths and Truths of Christian Dating

Dating can be difficult enough on its own, but a lot of times Christian dating can be even more confusing. Unfortunately God doesn’t lay out blue prints in the Bible of who, where, when, and how we should date. Because of that, there are countless myths out there about what Christian dating should or shouldn’t look like. Here are some of the common ideas about Christian dating that Jessi and I think are incorrect, and what we believe is the real truth behind them.

MYTH: There is only one person meant just for you.

TRUTH: First of all, this isn’t anywhere in the Bible. Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely believe that God knows ours needs and desires (more than we know our own) and that He knows the perfect person we will ultimately end up with. But if there was only one single person for everyone, then wouldn’t that mean the whole order of the universe was thrown off the moment two wrong people got together? Like I said – God does know the perfect person we’ll end up with, but I think it’s important to remember that timing, disposition, and each person’s free will is part of what determines who that is.

MYTH: Christians should just hang out as friends because real dates are too serious.

TRUTH: I think this is one of the main things that makes Christian dating so confusing. Guys are somehow under the impression that taking a girl on a date is leading them on, so they organize a less serious “hang out” if they’re interested. The problem with that, though, is that it makes intentions unclear. Here’s the thing about dating – whether you’re a Christian or not, a lot of times it just doesn’t work out. And that’s okay. It’s better to at least make your intentions known and have everything out on the table. It’s not a sin if it doesn’t end in a relationship or marriage! Not to mention that Christian girls are still girls. We all love to feel desired and be pursued in the way we deserve.

MYTH: Having the same faith is the most important thing in a relationship – everything else will work itself out around that.

TRUTH: Yes – sharing the same faith is crucial – and not just because the Bible says so. Being on the same page with your beliefs affects every other aspect of a relationship. With that being said, though, sharing the same faith doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to click with someone emotionally, physically, intellectually, or even on a spiritual level. You wouldn’t choose a best friend just because you’re both Christians, so why would you do that with a potential mate?

MYTH: Dating a Christian means you won’t encounter any relationship problems.

TRUTH: This is similar to the last myth. Just because you’re dating a Christian, it doesn’t mean that everything is going to be rainbows and angels singing in the background at all times. All relationships require at least some sort of work to successfully grow and become healthier, and you’re setting yourself up for failure if you don’t realize that. Choosing the right person with the same faith is only the very beginning of the journey.

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What are some myths about (Christian) dating you have believed?
Which of these myths or truths do you agree/disagree with the most?

being a girl in nyc {intro}.

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Every season Liberty Church starts a new set of Community Groups. My best friend Jessi has led several in the past on all different topics such as spiritual gifts, dating, Supernatural Ways of Royalty, etc.

This season she decided to lead one on life and dating as a girl in NYC, and she asked me to co-lead with her!

What the group is about:
Life in New York City as a twenty to early thirty-something. We will be discussing life topics such as jobs, being a Christian, and mostly dating.

Why:
We chose to do the group because this is what we talk to girls about the most. We have both had countless coffee dates with girls, and this is what always comes up. We really want to focus primarily on dating because this is an important topic for girls our age. We have had to learn hard lessons that we would like to pass on to others. Last spring, Jessi led a similar group with Mavis Green, and it was such a life changing group that we wanted to take what we’ve learned, share it, and add more.

Resources:
To be honest, we couldn’t find one book that truly covered what we wanted to share. So instead, we are pulling together the best resources from various books we’ve read as material for the group. Each Monday we will post a blog that will be discussed in the group on Wednesday.

How to join:
You can join 1 of the 30 groups online at LibertyChurchNYC.com. However, our group is currently full. We did want to invite others into the conversation - so we invite you to participate by commenting on the posts.

Questions:
We would love to know your questions and hopefully answer a few. Please feel free to ask questions in the comments section. If you’re in the group - please bring your questions on Wednesday nights!

What Jessi says:
I really wanted to do this group because last year’s group was so fruitful. I learned so many practical things about dating and being a Christian in the city. I was very much single when I led the group last time, and I am now engaged to be married September 20th, 2013. I think I can share some lessons I have learned as well as give positive feedback to the many questions I am asked. I honesty believe every girl is meant to be with a guy that truly cherishes her and leads her closer to God. My hope is that you leave this group with fresh eyes, new friends, and a heart full of hope and promise.

What Gracie says:
I literally do not think I would make it living in New York without my girl friends. As a young woman trying to balance my career, planning my future, having a social life, and dating, it’s not always easy to hold it all together. But with the help of my girl friends and different things I’ve learned over the past few years, I’m excited to share how I find balance in my own life. As far as dating goes, it can be confusing in and of itself, but a lot of times Christian dating can bring even more challenges. I’m hoping that sharing my experiences can at least be of some help to other girls. Not to mention I just love the idea of setting aside nights to chat, eat cupcakes, and be girlie!

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Who do you go to for dating advice?

it’s okay, 2.

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It’s okay to like the movie better than the book.

It’s okay to forgive an apology you’ll never receive.

It’s okay if you don’t care about sports. Or Fashion Week. Or Miley Cyrus.

It’s okay to be unashamedly part of the bizarre pumpkin craze that happens this time every year.

It’s okay to give second chances.

But it’s also okay to admit that maybe you shouldn’t have.

It’s okay to accept seemingly creepy compliments sometimes. Not everyone is out to get you.

It’s okay if you don’t drink 8 glasses of water a day, or eat 5 servings of vegetables a day.

It’s okay to wear white after Labor Day. Please do, actually.

It’s okay to watch Sense and Sensibility more times than you care to admit.

It’s okay to post whatever tweet, status, selfie, throwback Thursday, or hashtag you want. Since when did everyone feel entitled to become Internet police?

It’s okay to admit where you really met the guy you’re dating.

It’s okay to be stubborn sometimes.

But it’s also okay to just…be soft.

{part one}

Your turn – what’s your “it’s okay” today?