The flat lay of an untouched latte, a journal with perfect handwriting, and pastel macarons.
The (confusingly high for a normal human arm) aerial shot of distressed jeans, a Chanel purse, and leopard flats.
The flat stomach and “dat ass” (from hundreds of squats, duh) while somehow maintaining a sweat-less forehead.
The “oh, you caught me hailing a cab!” while still looking effortlessly glamorous.
I think you know where I’m going with this. You’ve seen those images. I’ve seen those images. I’ve posted those images.
Rewind to a few years ago when it became the norm to create a backlash against magazines for photoshopping models and portraying an unrealistic view of what women are supposed to look like. It resulted in tons of media coverage and campaigns like Dove Real Beauty, and others.
As I look at the evolution of social media over the past year or two, it seems there’s something even more dangerous emerging. There’s still this sense of “the glamorous life” of women, but this time it’s sneakier than ever.
It’s coming from us. Perpetuated by us, replicated by us, glorified by us.
There’s this endless cycle of well her life looks like this, so mine should too. She has these shoes (and hair and boobs and career) so I should too. The comparison trap is making us spin wildly into a whole new realm of unreality…an illusion of what our lives actually look (or should look) like.
Don’t think I’m not going to call myself out here. Bloggers are specifically guilty of this. But - pardon me as I give us/myself grace - it’s difficult to say that it’s anyone’s fault. It all sort of just happened, and it happened for what was originally an understandable and even admirable reason. Part of that backlash against magazines and the lives of models/celebrities is what resulted in popularity and loyalty toward bloggers. Bloggers became the new role models because they are real people. Relatable. Trustworthy. Had attainable lives.
*slows down and stops self from continuing a tangent*
With all of that being said, this comparison trap and the ability to “filter” our lives seems to be an unavoidable result of the social media age we live in today. I can’t say I hate it because HELLO. Blogger here. Social media manager here. *raises hand.*
It’s Instagram. It’s blogs. It’s Pinterest. It’s a whole WORLD of being able to pick and choose what parts of our lives we want to portray. We’re able to curate our lives to look exactly how we want them to.
And then it’s like, can you blame us? I mean, if we have the choice, why would we post the more unflattering parts of our lives? Crying, hurting, sick…that would be just weird.
BUT (and I guess this is where I’m going with this). Here and there, I think it’s really important to remember our humanity.
I’ve always felt like if I’m going to have a platform where people are looking at my life, I have a responsibility to be honest about what that really looks like. And it’s not perfect, to say the least.
Of course my life is full of incredible, memorable, beautiful moments. Most of what you’ll see me share on GML and social media are those moments.
But then there’s the unfiltered version.
There’s the multiple jobs I work to make a living, yet still always feel like I’m hitting a financial wall.
There’s the times I look in the mirror and examine whether or not I’m seeing new wrinkles, followed by researching all the best skin care creams in an effort to avoid them.
There’s the loneliness I often feel. The sometimes overwhelming and unfulfilled desire to give and receive love.
There’s the lavender essential oil I keep next to my bed because it helps calm me down when I feel anxious.
There’s the times I wake up in the morning hating how I acted the night before. My “partying” is harmless (compared to most of New Yorkers, at least), but I loathe the emptiness it exemplifies in my soul.
I live in the past. I live in the future.
I’ve made mistakes that make me cringe in denial. I’ve hurt others. I know the pain of a broken heart.
It’s killing me writing this post because it’s so pessimistic. Where’s the encouraging, uplifting message? Where’s the moral of the story?
I guess the raw-ness and the honesty IS the point. This is real life. You might be reading this and thinking you’re less or more screwed up than I am…I’m not sure. But my guess is that these are the types of thoughts that go through most of our heads, but social media allows us to portray the complete opposite.
I can only speak for myself. Despite what I may choose to share, and despite the many amazing things in my life, I’m still a broken girl. Jesus makes me whole. He puts me back together every single day. He has made me strong enough to write this post - exposing my weaknesses for the purpose of reaching at least one person who can relate.
It’s okay to be weak. In fact, embrace being weak. In our weakness we find His strength.
It’s okay to be imperfect. Perfection is a myth…a boring one, at that.
It’s okay to love blogs and social media! Like I said, I know this post seems pretty pessimistic. But at the end of the day I still LOVE what I do because it allows me to connect with people and have a creative outlet.
(Even if that means overused flat lays and selfies. Owning it.)
It’s okay if you don’t love the same things as everyone else. But it’s okay if you do.
Know yourself, be yourself, and don’t be afraid to show that person to the world. Saturated, contrasted, brightened, sharpened, or unfiltered.
Wow, this is such a great, inspiring, wonderful post. This really got me thinking, and I am speechless. Thank you for bringing these thoughts into my head. Xx
Zoessecretstyle.blogspot.co.il
Thanks for this comment, Zoe
Glad this post resonated with you! <3
<3
I seriously almost wrote this exact same post last night.
Love this post!! <3
Love this, especially because it’s so true. I think a lot of people snark on the “filtered” versions of life bloggers choose to put out there — but you’re correct. It would be super weird to post pictures of us crying, and it would come across as attention-seeking if we were to post every bad thing that happened to us.
I’m with ya.
It’s okay to like different things, and it’s okay to like the same things. And we all aren’t supposed to be whole, at least not all the time.
xox
agreed that it would come across as attention seeking - good point!
AMEN. You said “pessimistic” a few times in this post, but I have to disagree with you - I think it’s quite the opposite. I think it’s positive to write about the loneliness, the frantically searching in the mirror for imperfections [that no one else notices], the uncertainty of it all, because that’s what everyone experiences. We don’t all experience flat abs, hailing a cab in NYC, hosting the perfect party — but we *do* all experience the raw human emotions, and the more we realize that we’re not alone in those experiences and feelings, the better off we are. Kudos to you for writing this!!
Thanks for that, Colleen!
xoxo
Thank you for this! The world (both blogging world and ‘real life’ world) need to hear this message. I appreciate your vulnerability and the grace you’ve shown yourself and others. Keep on being amazing. XO!
xoxoxo
This post is so appreciated from a reader’s perspective. I read lots of blogs and always find myself thinking “must be nice..” To be in such great shape, to afford such a nice house, to be able to afford all those clothes, beauty products, fitness classes, you name it! The Internet so often only shows the best of everyone, it’s nice to see there are real people behind those keyboards!
Thanks for this comment, Brianna! I always love (and need) to hear from a reader’s perspective, so this means a lot.
thanks for sharing this. i love this post.
<3 <3
This was a great post, Gracie. Not pessimistic at all - just real! Social media definitely gives us the opportunity to highlight the “best” parts of our lives. It’s easy and like you said who wouldn’t want to? I think I keep my failures closer to my heart - only my closest circle of friends and family are let in on those.
Thanks so much, Stacie <3
Love, love, love this! You are amazing, lady. Xoxoxo
Ah, thanks girl! xoxo
Yep. Sounds exactly like me
Great post
There is a great deal of truth in this post. I admire you for being so open and honest like that.
Yes!! This is definitely one of my favorite posts you’ve written! I’m no blogger, but I am a new mommy who always feels like she’s falling short of being that “perfect” mom. I cringe at mistakes that I’ve made in the past. BUT I’m reminded of my true identity everyday; a daughter of the KING!! I love your blog, been following along for years now and I appreciate your transparency!
Ah, thanks so much Courtney! For this comment and for following me for so long - it really means a lot
xoxo
what a wonderful post! JESUS makes me whole. You hit the nail on the head with this post!!! Totally agree with you girl!
Thanks so much Kelsey!!
xoxo
exactly.
xoxo love the vulnerability
Yes, yes, yes. This post is so spot on and I never really thought about the fact that now it’s the “real” people who are perpetuating this idea of perfection. And it just spirals out of control from there. That comparison trap is so true and I think it’s so important to be vulnerable sometimes, as you were, about what’s really going on. The stuff we don’t want to share but really feel. Thank you for your openness and I hope it encourages others to do the same!
Thanks for this comment, Emily
Glad the post resonated with you <3
I can definitely relate to this. I actually deleted my Instagram a few months ago out of frustration that I couldn’t keep up with everyone else, and while it’s definitely helped with the comparison trap, I can’t help but think I cut myself off creatively. I haven’t yet decided if the greater peace of mind is worth the loss of expression. It’s a huge trade-off.
Love your original take on this issue! Keep doing what you do. (Insert applause emoji.)
Thanks for this comment, Natalie. I can definitely relate to why you deleted your Instagram. If I’m being honest, sometimes the thought of deleting ALL of my social media accounts and even GML crosses my mind. But the two things that always stop me are 1) the connection to others and 2) as you mentioned, the creative outlet.
If you do rejoin Instagram, let me know so I can follow you! 😉
xoxo
Yes yes, you are so right!
As a faithful reader of your blog (with several posts bookmarked), I’m so glad you didn’t delete it. That said, I totally understand. The hardest thing for me as a writer is articulating all these nuances that make me who I am, to people who don’t know me. I obsess over how people perceive me, even though it’s virtually impossible that everyone will “get” me.
From where I stand, though, you do a great job of inspiring girls to both dream big and keep it real.
These are the blogs that I love. I’m still only a newbie, but Gracie, your blog posts are very inspiring and I aim to be able to capture my thoughts as easily as you do!
ah, thanks so much! this comment means a lot
xoxo
Gracie!
What an awesome post. Thanks for being so transparent. Its easy to get caught up in the filtered life of others and its refreshing to be reminded that no matter how perfect things may seem from the outside: this is real life. Thank you for being bold about your faith and who Jesus is to you. Its inspiring. <3
Ninaaa thank you so much for this! <3 <3
Maybe it’s weird but I read and re-read your post without finding that pronounced - or any? - pessimism. Being real and honest is not pessimistic but, well, real. Like you, I’m aware of the influence even the ‘smallest’ of us bloggers can have so sometimes I add a ‘still a work in the making’ or ‘wasn’t my best’ to a post. Why? To stress my life - like anybody else’s - isn’t perfect? Because I don’t want people to comment on how amazing everything looked for me when I know it isn’t on the inside? It’s a twisted issue. We seek approval but still want to be real. I think with this post - and previous ones - you managed just that: you’re real, authentic - and perfect in your imperfections. A broken girl made whole again many times? You hit the nail on the head.
Thanks so much for this comment. In retrospect I agree that it’s not pessimistic to be real and honest. I guess it just felt that way as I wrote this post because it’s so difficult for me to be anything but rainbows and sunshine here on the blog, ha.
I really appreciate the encouragement! Thanks again! xoxo
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing this post and your honesty. It is something that certainly resonates with me. Looking forward to following your blog through this new year!
Reading this post today of all days is the perfect combination of self reflection and encouragement for the year ahead. To remember what is truly important in the run of the day and not to be seduced by material things. Thanks!
This is such a great post! It’s so true; I am just starting my second blog (the first did not go so well due to lack of consistency!) and am taking in so much information on how to do better this time around and always looking good vs. being a real person is something I definitely want to make sure I incorporate into my blog. I think vulnerability is one of the most underrated qualities we can have as bloggers as well as people in general, thanks for a great read! I always enjoy your content; if you have any advice for a new(ly serious) blogger, I would love to hear it! I also live in New York City (moved here a year ago) and know there’s so much to learn and so much I can offer through my blog.
Thanks!
This is one of my favorite posts. So honest and relatable. Thank you for sharing!
What an honest and real post! You’re so right, social media makes it look like everyone is having the most amazing life, and that can make us all feel like ours is less than great. I guess we have to keep telling ourselves that there is no such thing as perfect and people only share the good things. The bad is usually hidden.