A lot of people struggle with not knowing what they want. I’m not one of those people – I know quite surely what I want my life to look like.
My problem, though, is that I so often find myself doing the exact opposite of what I actually want. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a matter of self sabotage or just a basic characteristic of being human. I’m thinking it’s most likely the latter.
I recently heard a great message from Maria Durso where she talked about the most difficult journey we can take being the 18 inches from our head to our heart. She went on to say how part of having a relationship with God is growing to the point of having your mind (thoughts) in alignment with your heart (feelings).
Unfortunately, though, it’s not always that easy. Sometimes – at least for me – there are circumstances where I have to trust my mind over my heart, or vice versa.
I think my problem is not so much overthinking – it’s overfeeling. While I definitely think it’s important to know how to listen to your heart, I can often let my feelings/emotions override certain truths.
I want to be in better shape, but I also want to eat whatever I want.
I want a chill night out, but end up at a club until 4am.
I want to take certain steps professionally, but I let fear stop me.
…the list goes on.
I’m assuming at least some of you can relate, so here are some things I’ve been working on that I think really help when it comes to staying on course.
1) write down your truths.
If you’re anything like me (very much a heart person), your emotions can very easily override what you know to be true. So I think it really helps to write down your truths - the things you know for sure - and refer back to them when your feelings might be telling you otherwise. Have yourself answer questions like:
What do I really want my life to look like?
What makes me the happiest?
What is my bigger purpose in life?
Specifically, I want relationships like ____
I want my career to look like ____
I want to look/feel ____
2) keep yourself out of tempting situations.
If there are particular areas in your life that you know you struggle with, try to avoid them! I’ve learned from personal experience that no matter how strong I think I am in a certain area…I’m not. So whether you need to avoid going to bars, or stop buying the boxes of cereal you binge on late at night, or decide not to see that guy/girl anymore, find as many ways as possible to stop the unhealthy situation before it even happens.
3) surround yourself with supportive people.
This is key. Whatever goal(s) you have, it is SO important to have people in your life that are on the same page! Or at least people that understand and want to encourage/support you in the right direction.
4) keep your eye on the prize.
I must admit that I can all-too-often fall for instant gratification. Don’t get me wrong – not ALL instant gratification is a bad thing. The problem is when it overrides and contradicts your ultimate goal.
They say the best way to reach a goal is to visualize it, so try to genuinely imagine your life the way you want it to look. It’s kind of that whole “fake it ‘til ya make it” mentality, which I really do believe works.
Can you relate? Which of these tips do you agree/disagree with most?
I agree with all of these tips! Oftentimes, we think we are stronger than we are in areas of temptation. I know I’ve struggled through that in the past and now but with different things. It’s helped me to have an accountability partner to encourage me through those temptations and also to cut out/avoid the temptation!
These are all such good ideas, Gracie! I find writing things down helps me and definitely avoiding tempting situations. Especially when I’m feeling insecure, that’s when I find I’m most likely to fall into temptations!
It’s really amazing and inspirational to hear that you know exactly what you want your life to be. It gives the rest of us lost 20-somethings much hope 🙂 I especially like #4 - keep your eyes on the prize. Personally, I’ve found that often times my big dreams (good examples = moving to NYC and returning to school) start becoming such an integral part of my life (because I think about them 4981958 times a day) that it becomes really easy to let that initial excitement die down. But keeping my eyes on the final prize is often times the only thing that prevents me from dropping the dream out of my life.
yes! glad this post resonated with you. your comment just made me realize that another thing about keeping your eye on the prize is never forgetting the prize already won! i dreamed of living in NYC for so long and now that it’s finally happened - I never want to forget to be grateful!
Hi Gracie! I’ve been a long time reader, but I’m a first time commenter! This post was exactly what I needed to see this morning. I’m currently working on figuring out/transforming my life now that I’ve graduated college, and your blog has been such a huge inspiration to me for years now. I can’t wait to try out these tips. 🙂
Hi Nia! Thanks so much for this comment - it just made my morning 🙂 So glad you found this post helpful. Best of luck with your transition - and congrats on your graduation! xo
This is a great post and I think being in our 20s almost breeds this time of uncertainty and difficulty staying on the course we want to be on. Last Sunday my pastor talked about those 18 inches from the heart to the brain as well! Seems like that is an important one to reinforce. What has really worked for me though is to *surrender*. It’s definitely a difficult one but I’m surrendering to God’s purpose and plan for my life because His is so much greater than my own! It’s a daily prayer but one that I have seen so many amazing things come from!
This is lovely — number 1 and 3 really resonated with me. Writing things down is SO huge for me; quite literally brings my ideas, thoughts, hopes, desires to life! And I am a huge believer that your tribe (love that term!) is SO important in supporting your success 🙂
#3 all day!! I’m recently really relearning this one.
This is definitely some stellar advice, but can be so tricky to put into practice. I feel that number one on the list is the most helpful because it can kind of help you keep the other three going, like remind you that you don’t want relationships with negative people, that you want to achieve that goal and so on! Thank you for writing this 🙂
This inspired me for a blog post, where I’ll answer the questions in paragraph 1). I’ll credit your blog for the idea too 🙂 xx
I have so much difficulty deciding which is better - my head or heart! When I finally decide what I want, keeping myself out of tempting situations really is key, and also telling friends so they can remind me of what I really want when I decide it would be a good idea to eat 4 tubs of ice cream or call him again…!
Great post 🙂